Endings and New Beginnings

I really shouldn't be taking the time to do this right now. I have 2 assignments and 3 finals left to study for, but since I got out of class 45 minutes early I guess we'll say I'm just using that time. I can't believe the end is so near.

As I sat at the luncheon for the graduates of our major today it started to hit me. Tomorrow is my last day of classes at BYU-I ever. Today and tomorrow will be the last time I see pretty much everyone I've gotten to know in the last 4 years in person. It'll be the last time I interact with my teachers. The last time I tutor. The last time I walk up and down the stairs of the Smith and the Clarke 400 times a day. It'll be the last of the "see you later"s and the first of the "goodbye"s. I may have moved a lot in my life, but I will never be good at goodbyes.

As a student you always hope and pray for the day when you'll be done. When you'll be able to walk across the stage with family and friends cheering you on for all that you've accomplished in the last 4 years and get handed that coveted diploma cover with nothing inside. But when it truly comes down to it, there is a small part of you that wants to hold on and not leave. There's something familiar and comfortable about where you're at and it's hard to let that go. But there is no growth in the comfort zone so we all need to let go eventually.

See, I think the thing that's hardest for me is that at this point Rexburg is home. Sure, my home is where my family is, but my life has been here for a long time now. Although Reno still has Rexburg beat in the longest length of time I've lived anywhere, I can honestly say I've gone through the most here.

In the time I have been here at school I have lived away from home for the first time. I have decided to serve a mission and come back. I've found my passion and switched into a major I love. I have made the best of friends, and I've lost some too. I've grown in my testimony and in my knowledge of the gospel. I've learned more about myself and the world around me than in any other circumstance or place. I found my first love and my last. I fell in love with a man who I never imagined I would find, who then asked me to marry him and I said, "Duh!" After getting engaged we planned our wedding, and found my dream dress here. We moved into our first apartment as a married couple. We made plans for the future, And now, in the same year that we got engaged and married, I will be walking at graduation and leaving this place behind. And that my friends, is why Rexburg and BYU-I will always have a special place in my heart. The most influential and important decisions of my life we prayed about and made here, in Rexburg.

As I said before, I'm no good at goodbyes. And it's true what Pres. Uchtdorf said about endings, "In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny." Endings are not our destiny.

Because in this eternal progression of life it's bittersweet to leave things and people behind, but the point isn't to see them as an end. The point is to see them as amazing opportunities that shaped us and led us to new paths. To new paths that will help us become better and to grow. Because as much as we can't grow in our comfort zone it's more important that we learn to be comfortable in our growing zone. No matter where it will take us. There's a lot still ahead for us and although sometimes that seems a little scary, it's needed and can be so wonderful. So in the spirit of new beginnings I say bring it on- the really good stuff is still to come!

The Remains of Summer

Well, to be honest, it seemed high time for an update and maybe a little opinion. I figured if I started writing things would just kind of flow. We'll see. Haha

This summer has been busy, but boring for me at the same time. May and June we were all over the place, but July wasn't too bad. We managed two road trips. One was not too bad while the other took us almost all day.

In the beginning of July we were able to drive down to Utah in order to attend Austin's Mission President's homecoming. We went down Saturday afternoon and stayed at the Allsups. We went out with Tean and Aby and met up with Alora and Jared. We went to Applebees for dinner and then we went to the Boondocks until about midnight. Highlights from that night definitely playing Pokemon Go in the parking lot while waiting for Alora and Jared, the food (of course), and kicking this whole guy team's butt in two rounds of laser tag. We had so much fun and always love seeing our friends when we're there.

The next morning we headed for Pleasant Grove for church. The homecoming was beautiful and I absolutely loved seeing Austin with his fellow missionaries singing in Spanish. It made me tear up and I felt the spirit very strongly. After sacrament we went to his mission president's house for a luncheon. It was absolutely delicious, but the best part was finally getting to put faces to the elders that I had heard so many stories about. It was awesome for me to sit there and hear them all recount stories and then just laugh and laugh. I'm so glad that we were able to go.

I then managed to convince Austin to high tide it for a few days in order to attend my Grandma Keeler's side's family reunion, or the Barlow Reunion, as we refer to it. We left really early Wed. morning of the 23rd. I had finished my last final the day before and since we live in married housing there were no clean checks or moving out (I swear that's almost more stress than finals themselves), which meant all we had to do was pack and we'd be good! The Reunion itself started Wed. at 3 so since we figured that's when all my family would show up, we planned to be there then. Btw, before I forget to mention it, we figured it would be way more fun to surprise everyone, so for safety and logical reasons we told my mom (she had to tell my aunt Kendall for food reasons), but all the rest of my extended family had no idea we were coming. I thought it would be fun to do it that way, especially since I knew my grandma would be thrilled that we were actually able to make it.

We arrived right on time on that day only to realize that none of the rest of my family was there yet. We talked with my mom's cousin Sherilyn and her family, which was great since I haven't seen them in years! It was way fun to introduce Austin to everyone and see how well they just took him in, though I'm not surprised. I can't even tell you on how many occasions someone has told me what a great guy he is or that I really picked a good one. Obviously I know that, but it's really cool for others to tell me that too. He's an amazing man and I'm so happy others can see that.

Anyway, by the time my family arrived it was about 4:30-5. Austin and I realized that we could've left later that morning, but it was nice to have a little of the afternoon and evening not driving. One by one my aunts and uncles and their families all showed up and it was super fun seeing their expressions when they realized it was us. My grandma's was the best by far though. I swear I thought she was going to pee her pants out of excitement. It was definitely worth the surprise to see all of them thrilled that we were able to make it.

We had a wonderful couple of days hanging out and playing games. It was fun for everyone to get to know Austin more since the first and last time they had seen him was at our wedding. He fits right in and they all love him, surprise, surprise. We taught all of my cousins that were old enough how to play werewolf and that was probably the best part of it all. We got told we were being too loud countless times and I view that as having a lot of fun.

I loved seeing everyone and getting to make more memories with them. I loved having Austin there with me too. But in all honesty by Friday morning I was glad we were leaving. Sleeping in that tent was not my favorite and I felt really bad because I forgot my mattress pad so Austin gave me his and he just slept on blankets. Needless to say, I was very happy to sleep in my own bed that night. I'm so glad we were able to go even it was short and my sleep was very uncomfortable.

In the beginning of August I was also able to attend my first rodeo EVER and I loved it!! It was so fun being with all of the family and seeing how excited the boys were. We had delicious food and great entertainment. I had no idea how many events there were. It was so fun and I'm so glad I got to see what Austin's life is like, especially having all his family there!

Since my job is being a tutor on campus there's not a whole lot you can do when school's not in session. I was hoping for more hours by preparing for this next semester, but I realized after my first couple of planning seshes, there wasn't a whole lot more for me to do. So basically I have binge watched Netflix pretty much all summer. Btw, in case you're in need of a show, I recommend Gilmore Girls, I'm hooked. Besides that I did sit in the combine next to Austin and few days and witnessed how harvest works, I've spent a lot of time with Liz and the boys, which makes me so happy because I love my cute nephews, but that's pretty much about it.

Austin did surprise me however at the end of July by saying that he had been saving up for a little while so that I could go home for a week. At first I was a little taken aback and was a little apprehensive about being gone for an entire week, but he assured me we'd be fine being apart so we made plans. I flew to AZ Aug 11th and was there until the 18th. I loved being home and being with my family. It was so fun going swimming after Sierra got home from school and just relaxing. I got to see some of my best friends too, which was awesome! It's always fun to catch up when I'm home. I got caught up in enjoying myself so much I forgot to take pictures, but the memories are great. Unfortunately I got sick while I was there, but managed to still have fun. It was an absolutely wonderful surprise and though I did miss Austin like crazy, I can only attribute that to how amazing he is and that he's totally worth missing.

I think that pretty much wraps up the updates. I start school next Mon, the 12th. It's my last technical semester on campus. I have 5 more credits to take after this semester, but rather than overwhelm myself with so many things I decided to rearrange my whole schedule, add a class that will count as my internship, and technically not graduate until April. I will walk in Dec, on my birthday, actually, and then that way when we move to Boise, I'll take my last two classes online and be able to work. I feel really good about it all and know that it worked out so I could enjoy my last semester here. I'm happy we have a few more months in our ward and with our friends, but I'm also extremely looking forward to our adventures to come in Boise.

Creative Writing

About a month ago I was given the opportunity to do a creative writing piece of sorts for my Book of Mormon final. We were asked to write ourselves into a story from the first half of the Book of Mormon. We couldn't change any major details or characters, but we were to write about our experience as if we had been there. I was deeply moved by the story of the people that were baptized at the waters of Mormon by Alma and decided to center my story around that event (all of the events are in the book of Mosiah mostly centered around chapter 18). I really enjoyed writing this piece and was impressed with how easy the words just flowed out of me. I hope you feel the emotion and spirit I felt while writing it. Thanks for taking the time to stop by and read it. I'm truly humbled.

I looked down to see tears making their way off of my face and onto my clothes. It took me a second to realize that I was crying. In that moment my heart swelled with joy and the spirit of God descended on me and washed down my whole body. I had not had hands placed upon my head yet, but in that moment it was as if God Himself had descended to dwell among us and revel in our joy and happiness. Tears were falling more freely as I looked around at my new found brothers and sisters. There was this feeling that resided in me, as if for the first time, I was seeing them in new light. As if I was seeing them as God saw them. And oh, were they beautiful basking in their new light.

My grin only broaden as I thought back to the journey that got me to this point. I had heard rumors of a man named Abinidi that taught against what King Noah was doing. Growing up, he had been a good king and had given his people all that they wanted, but he was a drunk and that was never something that suited me too much. I liked to drink during times of celebration and gladness, but I had seen too many lives ruined by alcoholism. The other thing was the taxes. When both Mom and Dad worked it was easy to make all that we needed to and to still prosper, but as King Noah’s taxes on our goods grew more grievous, my family was greatly affected and we began to suffer from want of food. My baby brother died of malnutrition when he was just 3 years old. My dear king who was supposed to protect my baby brother spent his days drinking, stealing from his people to make more palaces and thrones, and to ornament himself and hire whores, could care less about me and my family. A hatred for King Noah grew in me and festered for years. I closed my heart to everything around me and let the darkness overshadow me.

I think that’s why when I heard of Abinidi teaching against him, I was more than intrigued. I was ecstatic that someone had finally had enough of what he was doing. Hope swelled within me at the thought of King Noah finally getting what was coming to him. I wanted nothing more than for that man to be taken from his throne and buried deep within the ground. Only news of Abinidi’s murder spread quicker than wildfire and hopelessness and disgust filled my heart once more. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how I would be able to live under King Noah’s reign and let it destroy me any longer. Amongst the news of Abinidi’s murder was also the news that one of King Noah’s priests had not only suggested that Abinidi live, but supposedly believed his words. King Noah had him cast out and sent his guards to kill him. The word was that the guards returned empty handed and had been unable to do as King Noah commanded.

I thought that I would feel more excited about the prospect of Alma being alive, but with his disappearance and no word of where he had gone, I simply resigned to the fact that I would never find happiness again. Day after day it seemed as if we simply just went through the motions and let life pass us by. Finally I knew I couldn’t take it anymore, that I had to get out no matter what. So I headed for the woods and never looked back. I didn’t even say goodbye to the rest of my family. I couldn’t. I couldn’t handle the looks on their faces. I couldn’t bring myself to it so I left and hoped that somewhere deep in their hearts they could find a way to forgive me.

After days of wandering in the woods and barely staying alive I stumbled upon a clearing of open water. I threw myself in it and gulped down as much as I could without choking myself. Suddenly I heard a voice and it startled me. I wasn’t sure who it was so I quickly dove for cover behind several staggering rocks. After a few moments of thought, I realized the threat was not eminent and removed myself from my place of hiding. As I went to investigate I realized that I could also hear little children laughing and splashing each other in the water. I wondered what in the world had possessed them to come out here alone. I moved closer to the voices and then right before my eyes sat Alma. He was addressing several families and individuals that were scattered across the rocks and it looked as if he had a record with him. I moved closer to listen and realized he must have just started teaching as he introduced that these were the words that Abinidi had taught. I kept myself hid by wading behind the rocks, but moved closer and closer until I could hear him clearly.

Alma taught of God and of Jesus Christ, who was to come and redeem mankind. He taught of the atonement and how all mankind could be saved through obedience to and the ordinances of the gospel. He reiterated the Ten Commandments that Moses had brought down from the mountain, written by the finger of God Himself. He taught of the resurrection and life after death. As Alma continued to talk my heart swelled within me. Something that I had never felt before washed over me as if God poured a warm hot drink onto my head and into my heart.

Every day around the same time they would gather in the same place and every day I waited in my hiding spot to hear the word of God. My heart ached as I thought of my family and what they were missing out on. It ached even more that I had let myself become closed off from them and had allowed a thick brick wall to be built around my heart. Each day as I listened and as I cried out to a God that I barely knew, that wall came crashing down. I knew that what Alma was teaching was true. There was no denying that for me and I only wished I could share that with everyone I knew.

After several days of listening from my hiding spot, I heard a familiar sound that I hadn’t heard in a long time, mom’s laughter. I looked up over the rock behind which I was wading and peered out over the crowd. There in my hindsight was Mom, Dad, and my little siblings. I cried out to them and lunged myself closer to the rock they were sitting on. Mom looked up from the conversation that was holding her attention and immediately burst into tears. She leaped into the water and enveloped me in the tightest embrace she had ever pulled me into. We stood there in the shallow water both crying and hugging, and then Alma came over and instructed us to sit down that he might be able to start that day’s lesson.

I sat down beside my family and for the first time really let Alma’s words sink in about eternal life. I cried out to God in my heart a prayer of gratitude that He had led my family here and that we were together again. I asked His forgiveness that He might forgive me of all the darkness I had let into my heart and life. The spirit of God, as Alma called it, washed over me and I knew that God had forgiven me. I had never felt happier than in that moment. That was until today.

I had just watched Alma invite us to be baptized. When he had done this, we all clapped with joy. My heart had never felt so full. We exclaimed that that was the desire of our hearts and that we wanted to bear one another’s burdens, mourn with those that mourned, and to stand as a witnesses of God. Alma believed our intent and took Helam into the water. He threw the both of them in the water and then started baptizing each one of us, one by one. As each one had emerged my heart had grown bigger and bigger. My capacity to not only love, but to let them into my life and heart, was growing immensely.

I realized that I had let my thoughts wonder awhile when I looked back in the water to realize that Mom had just entered and was about to be emerged. I look down at the little hand that rested in mine and allowed my heart and my head to be completely surrounded and filled with light. I watched as each one of my family members was taken into the water and baptized by the power and authority of God. As each one came out of the water there was a new light about them and it was as if they were glowing. We all embraced each other and cried pure tears of joy. Finally it was my turn.

I entered the water and took Alma by the wrist. He took me by the other wrist, said the prayer of baptism, and emerged me in the water. As soon as I came out of the water I felt cleaner than I had my whole life. Not just the outside of my body, but it felt like the insides of my body had been purified by fire. I knew without a doubt, that God knew my heart and had taken me into His fold. 

Life is Oh So Good!

It's been about a month since I've posted and I feel like so much has happened in such a short amount of time. In that time we've attended two weddings and one concert, caught up with good friends and family, branded the cows, celebrated two months of marriage, and bought a car! It's awesome to think so many amazing things have happened it just one month. I love it!

Each of the weddings we attended meant road trips for us, which are always entertaining and fun. It amazes me that we can talk for hours and never run out of things to talk about it. The first trip was to good ol' Herriman, Utah where we were able to see our good family friends, the Allsups. We were able to witness Tean and Aby's sealing and it was absolutely beautiful. We spent the weekend with them, which is always the best. They're like family and it's so fun catching up with them every time we're in town.


We also got to meet up with Alora and Jared while we were there. Our double date was hilarious and fun- we were laughing the entire time!

Before we skipped town we dropped by Alan and Annette's where we hung out and made memories and tons of snapchat pictures. Haha, I just can't believe my little cousin, Ashlan is a high school graduate. I just love seeing everyone while we're in town.

Then a week later we road tripped again, but this time with Nicole and we headed straight for Boise. We went to Boise for our beautiful old roommate, Rachel's wedding. It was my first time actually in Boise and it was so fun! I'm so excited to move there in January. I just got such this cool feeling like this really is going to be our home. Isn't there something just so exciting about that?! I love knowing that I get to adventure with Austin forever. It's seriously the best thing ever.

Oh, but Backstory time! So Nicole and Rachel and I met in Fall 2014 when we all became roommates at the Ivy. I was fresh off my mission (literally like maybe three weeks) and I had one hope: that my room roommate would not be an 18 year old, first semester freshman. Jokes on me cause that's exactly what happened. The Lord definitely knew what He was doing when He sent me Rachel though. I needed her. But really we needed each other. We got so incredibly close that semester. She was like a little sister, but so so much more. We became best friends and affectionately still refer to each other as bae (and by the way, we started doing that before it became a weird fad thing and ruined it. Ugh). Oh and by the way, these two beautiful women drove the ENTIRE WAY FROM IDAHO TO ARIZONA AND BACK IN ONE WEEKEND FOR MY WEDDING. I seriously couldn't ask for better friends.

Although Rachel left after that semester and never came back to school, we kept in touch and saw each other a few times. Then like I said, her and Nicole drove to Arizona to my bridesmaids and spend that weekend with me. Funny enough, she actually got engaged the day before Austin and I did. That's a funny story for another time. Anyway, going to Boise that weekend and being there for her, especially in the sealing room was an incredible experience. I love seeing my friends get sealed to their best friends. That promise of forever is the most special thing in the entire existence of anything. Just thinking about it warms my heart. And that day, in the sealing room, I bawled my eyes out. It was such a spiritual experience. As hard as it was for me to give up Rachel back to Boise however long ago, I'm so happy that she found Paden. They're perfect for each other. I just can't believe my baby girl is married! Ahh! But I love it and I love that she's so happy.

Amidst all the fun and traveling, we bought a car! We looked around while we were in Utah for Tean and Aby's wedding, but nothing really seemed promising. Austin saw a posting for exactly what we were looking for at a car lot in Idaho Falls so when we came back here on Sunday we swung by to look at it and decided it was worth coming back to the lot to check out. They were closed the next day since it was Memorial Day so Austin went back the next day. He test drove it and updated me about everything while it was happening. We felt good about it and the next day we walked out after signing the papers to take our new car home! Welcome to the family, Bertha! Sometimes adulting is hard, but it's a lot more fun when we do it together. Going through life with Austin makes me happy.

Speaking of being happy, I just realized that Austin and I have been together almost 8 months! It's crazy how fast time flies. I was looking through my phone at the pictures I had sent my mom and I found a screenshot I had taken of one of mine and Austin's first flirty conversations together. It made me laugh looking back and comparing then to now. I'm so glad he waited for me and chose me. It just amazes me at how I always seem to grow in my capacity to love him more and more. I wouldn't change anything. Although I don't believe in soulmates, I do believe that Austin is the perfect one for me. Somehow he manages to look past my many flaws and just love for who I am. I am crazy, and thankfully because of my stupid birth control once upon a time, he has seen me at my absolute worst. As in the worst that I've ever seen me, and we were only engaged, and he still chose me. He said something the other night that really got to me. We were just lying in bed cuddling and talking and I just told him how much I love him and thanked him for everything he does for and he just looked and me and said, "I'm just trying to be the man you deserve." My heart seriously melted in that moment. This man works harder for us than anybody I know. He works at least 10-11 hour days and sometimes even works upwards of 15 hours in a day. He never complains and no matter how sick he's been, and since discovering that he has a parasite being sick is no small matter, he still gets up and goes to work the next day. And he still loves me. We're coming up on 3 months and he still loves me. He is so much more than I could've ever hoped for and imagined. And to be honest, sometimes I don't even think I deserve him. Which is not entirely the best thing for me to say, but to put it in perspective, it just seems like he's always doing everything for me or us. He inspires me and I want to be more like him every day. I don't know what I did to deserve to be so blessed, but boy, I wouldn't change it for the world.

How To Stay Positive and Confident in Today's World

As most of you know, I recently opened up about my breakdown to Austin the other night about being inadequate and comparing myself to other people, to my own expectation of what kind of person and wife I was supposed to be, and I even ventured to thoughts that maybe I was doing something wrong because our relationship or aspects of our relationship are different than friends or others I know.

My mom has been really good about teaching me that when thoughts of doubt or of comparing myself to others enter my brain that they are just from Satan trying to get me to forget that I am a daughter of God, and that I need to kick those thoughts right out. I have had this happen time and time again. Just because I know it's Satan doesn't mean that I can easily stop those thoughts. And even with my knowledge of the fact that I am a child of God, a daughter of God, and that I am so much more than what the world perceives of me or even what I perceive of me, those thoughts still come, they still stay, and they still get to me.

I've spent my whole life trying to live up to every expectation, every standard, every possible thing that anyone could ever want or expect from me, and the problem is that I expect way more out of myself than anyone. And the truth is, it's exhausting. It is absolutely exhausting feeling like you always have to be on your A game and that anything mediocre is just simply not going to cut it. I've spent my whole life looking like I've had everything together when I've felt like everything was falling apart. And it's in those times when I've felt like everything was falling apart and that I wasn't up to par that I let those thoughts from Satan trickle in.

I was in class today when something that my teacher (Rhet Dalling) said caught me off guard. He said, "We're caught up in the wrong things for the wrong reasons." And the reason why it caught me off guard is because he was talking about something completely unrelated to what I knew I would be sharing and opening up about, but it fit perfectly. The reasons why we get caught up in the wrong things is because we let ourselves move our priority of the most important things around because we become too wrapped up in things aren't nearly as important. How many of us have said, "Oh, I have so much to do," sat down to look at your list, gotten on Facebook or Instagram, etc, and realized 15-60 minutes later that you haven't gotten anything done you planned to? This has happened several times to me, especially right before I go to read my scriptures.



Satan doesn't wave these temptations of sin right in front of our faces. He barely has to do anything when we constantly surround ourselves with things that are not of worth or as a matter of fact, our time. Dwelling in the world of social media can be damaging, even detrimental.

 It's not necessarily that we sit there and constantly think, "Oh, I wish I looked like her," or "Oh my gosh, I would do anything to have a house like that," although it definitely could be! No, more often than not, we don't let ourselves recognize that most of what is posted on social media is the only the good. Hardly ever does someone post about their relationship problems, financial situation, or how they're struggling in school. And to be fair, that's probably a good thing. The best way to work through something [usually] is to work on it by yourself or with close family and friends, rather than bringing it all out in the public. The point of the matter here though is that we don't see behind the scenes. We don't see the every day struggles, the tears and frustration, the messes, the other 50 selfies, etc, we only see what they want us to see. And when we choose to read posts and look at pictures without recognizing that, we put ourselves in a position to let thoughts of self doubt, inadequacy, and constant comparison creep in.



Now the question remains: How do we stay positive and confident in an Instagram world?

Well, I should start of by saying, I don't have all the answers. But I do have wonderful family, friends, mentors, and others that I look up to that have reached out and given some advice along the way. And at the very top of that list, is our Heavenly Father. He has provided so much for us. Many people would say that something like this has nothing to do with God or religion, and to them I say it has everything to do with it.

 Al Fox Carraway in a recent blog post said, "My point is we are sometimes in need of a reality check. Do more than just exist. Let’s refocus, often, on who we truly are and what we need to be doing. Refocus on the reality of being a living soul that can never die. We have ‘forever’ built into our genes." 

Part of refocusing and prioritizing is remembering who we are and why we're here (does that ring a bell to anyone? Hello Plan of Happiness!). We need to remember that we are sons and daughters of God- a Heavenly being who has given us so much and in doing so wants us to realize that we are divine and have a divine potential! He wants nothing more than for us to succeed and do our best. He has given us the tools, but it's up to us if we use them or not. 


I think honestly, the biggest and sometimes hardest part is really just putting God back at the top of our priority lists. Make time to read our scriptures, when we pray don't make it mundane, but seek out special help from Him to stay motivated in the tasks that need to be accomplished and not to get caught up in doing things that aren't important. I have a firm testimony that He is on our side, wants us to succeed, and will be right by our side if we seek His help. We need only ask. He loves us! We're His children, for goodness sake. He gave us His Only Begotten Son, who suffered and died for us, so that we could over come all things, including comparing ourselves to others and feeling inadequate. And if you don't have a firm testimony of that, I invite and encourage you to pray and ask God. He would love for you to know that for yourself.

Once we have put God back at the top of our list I can promise you that everything else will flow much smoother and get much better. It's amazing what we can do with God on our side. The important step now is to remember to minimize distractions. Focus on the other things that need to be done, but don't get overwhelmed! Make a list, break it down. Are there things that need to be done now or today, but others that can wait until later or tomorrow? Then separate those out and do the ones that are immediate. Just do what you can and don't worry about the rest. Also, don't put yourself in a position where you're going to be overwhelmed right from the start. Remember that God never intended for us to be so busy that we don't have time for Him. And I might add or our families or ourselves.

That leads to my next point. I think it's crucial that we make time to relax, to be worry free, even for a time. Obviously a great place to do this is at the temple. But I also think it's important to take the time to physically rest and rejuvenate. It's amazing what a 20 minute bubble bath can do. Free your mind, do something you enjoy, and I would encourage that during this time, avoid using social media.

Although I may not be able to take my own advice as easily on this one, I would also suggest limiting social media usage. I might add as a side note too, avoid talking to others where the conversation can get comparative. Just stick to catching up and being there for one another. Don't talk about specifics of your relationship with your significant other. Limiting social media will provide ways for all of us to find our old hobbies or create new ones. This will allow inspiration to flow from within us (and obviously from God), that will make us happier and more confident, not only within ourselves but in our lives too. We will be able to view our lives again in a more eternal sense and will recognize that we are worth far more than some simple likes on facebook or instagram. Our relationships will improve all around and we will start to shine again.

So what are we waiting for people? Let's get our sparkle and shine back! 

*All images were taken from Pinterest and are not mine

The Start of Forever

Wow! Almost two weeks already?! This time two weeks ago I was driving home with my fiance and my sister in order to get married. I can't believe how fast these last two weeks have gone, but I also have loved being in every moment since then. So many wonderful things happened and so many incredible people in my life that mean so much to me were able to be a part of it. I seriously couldn't have asked for anything better. From my bridal shower, to the set up of the gym for our reception, to all those who helped clean, set up, take down, sacrificed of their time, money and talents to make April 9th the best day of our lives, I want you to know that your efforts did not go unnoticed and that we love and appreciate you more than you know.

The day before our wedding, later Friday morning, Austin had to leave Oro Valley and head back up to help out with everything in Gilbert. The last thing he said was that he would see me at the temple the next day. It didn't hit me then, but at the same time struck a cord with me. We had finally made it. We were going to be sealed to each other and to God for eternity the next day. All of the sacrifices and the time and effort we had made into putting God first were not in vain. Even though at times for the both of us we had lost hope and wondered whether or not we would ever find the one we wanted to be with forever, we held on and were blessed beyond measure to find each other. It truly was in our best interest and in God's perfect timing. Everything from the beginning testified of that over and over again. I have never seen things fall into place like they have for Austin and I. God truly led us to each other and is continually guiding us to where He needs us to be. It's absolutely incredible to witness that.

Even before the day of, but especially the morning of our wedding, I felt nothing but utter peace mixed with excitement. There were times when I was nervous, like when I showed up at the temple and Austin wasn't there, but overall I was just so ready to marry Austin and be his for eternity. While on that subject let me just add that although I acknowledge that Austin is not perfect and that neither am I, we have managed to find something incredible special. I would even dare to say that we are perfect for each other. Yes, he gets on my nerves as much as anyone who's family to me, but there is something about him where every single time I look at him, whether he's looking back at me or not, where I just get an overwhelming sense of gratitude wash over me for the man that he is and the man that he will continue to become. He is truly one of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. I love him with my whole heart and soul, literally everything in me. I am blessed beyond measure to be his wife. He inspires me to be better each and every day whether he realizes it or not.

And that's really what it comes down to. There are no soul mates. There is not one single person that is absolutely perfect for you in every single way and because of that you will never fight or have problems. No, rather, there are imperfect people that will cross your path and honestly, it could work out with any of them, but one will stay and will make everything make sense. And all of the sudden all of the little things and the details won't matter anymore because it just all boils down to the fact that you want to be with them and that's all that matters. And I think that's just how God meant for it to be. He doesn't want us psychoanalyzing every person we meet in order to find the perfect one. He wants us to find that someone who will work every day to improve their imperfections and to help the both of you come closer to Him, and eventually return back to His presence. That's all He really wants for us. And that's what I found with Austin.

Waiting in the recorder's office I actually got a little nervous and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's cause I didn't want to embarrass myself or mess up or something, I don't know. But as I sat there with Austin in the Celestial Room in the temple, we both looked at each other to speak at the same time and realized we were remembering the same thing. Four months ago when Austin came to meet my family over Christmas break I took him to the Gilbert temple. After our session we sat on the couch underneath the mirror and I turned to him and said that the next time we would be in there we would be getting sealed. It was an incredible moment for us to recognize how prophetic that statement was and how hard we had worked to get there. We were then escorted to meet our sealer, Neal Christensen. He took some time to talk to us and get to know us a little bit before he brought us into the sealing room. Although we don't know each other very well, I'm so grateful that he was so close to the spirit to receive the inspiration that we needed to hear that day.

Our sealing was absolutely beautiful. Austin and I cried through the whole thing. Austin started pretty much as soon as we walked in, but I got extremely overwhelmed looking out at all of our family and friends that were able to there. We are so blessed to have such amazing family and friends that would sacrifice so much for us. And yes, it's an emotional day in general, but I think the both of us just felt the spirit testifying so strongly of Heavenly Father's love and approval of our making it to the temple and being sealed. I felt His presence as if He was my own father sitting in the witness chair feeling so proud of His daughter and her choices. The feelings I had are ones that will stick with me forever. The sealer talked a little about the ordinances that happen in the temple, the importance of them, and how we have a part in making sure they are done. He addressed those that were present and also just us as well. He talked about obedience and the importance of it as well. He talked about how obedience is what allowed Austin and I to be worthy to be there, and how we needed to continue to maintain that so that 20+ years down the road we can sit where our parents were sitting at our own children's sealings. He really was able to put everything into an eternal perspective for us as a new family and it was absolutely beautiful. I left with such a  strengthened resolve to be the best wife and mother I could possibly be, in the Lord. Kneeling across the alter while holding hands with Austin really sank in the fact that I would finally get to keep him as my partner, my supporter, my lover, and my best friend forever. Those are tender moments I will never forget.

Everyone says that your wedding day is a blur and you'll hardly remember anything, but I remember everything. I remember what taking pictures outside the temple with our family and friends, and screaming babies was like. I remember the luncheon and how I was terrified I was going to spill something on my dress, but the food was so good! I remember how we were late to the reception because I needed to get my hair and makeup fixed and put that dang dress (I really do love it, but lacing it up takes forever!) back on again. I remember how the reception looked after countless hours and hours of work, and although I really could care less if we had all those decorations, I'm really glad we did it. I remember all the people I hugged and talked to, some of which I hadn't seen in forever and have missed dearly. I remember cutting the cake and having to get frosting out of my hair so I could dance. I remember dancing with my dad and watching him tear up when he listened to the lyrics of the song. I remember my first dance with my new husband and the overwhelming sense of love that washed over my body, and how in that moment, no one else mattered, it was just me and him. I remember all the little details, the songs, the candies, the dances. And most of all, I remember feeling so incredibly blessed and wondering what in the world I did to deserve all of it. You see, I etched it all out in my brain, every single detail, because I never want to forget how all of it felt. I never want to forget how I felt driving away that night looking at Austin, as my new husband, and feeling so ready to take on the world with him by my side.

Since then we have honeymooned in Cozumel, Mexico where our adventures together never stopped and where I realized that I honestly do not get sick of that handsome man. I miss him every second he's not with me, but I am grateful that he finally gets to come home to me. We have also made our way back to Rexburg where we have moved into our cute little apartment and although there is no space for anything else, I love that it's ours, and that's all that matters. I have also started my second to last semester of college (at least undergrad) and Austin has started working again. We have started our lives here together and are figuring out our routine. I used to be such a big planner and feel like I needed a strict schedule, but I have found that although we still have plans and goals, no matter what, with Austin by my side, it doesn't matter where we go or what we do. Being married to him has so far been the greatest blessing of my life. Adding him to my family and gaining his has been a blessing too. We are blessed beyond measure and every night before we go to bed we lay there and just talk about how crazy it is that our lives are so good. Sure, it's not always going to be like this, and of course trials are going to come, but I love going to sleep and waking up to my best friend every night and day. I love knowing that he will always be there for me to support and comfort me. Just this last Sunday he gave me a blessing before the new semester. Let me tell you, I love Father's Blessings, but getting a blessing from my husband has got to be one of the most spiritual and incredible experiences I have ever had. He promised me that this semester of school would be easy. That I would be able to do well and accomplish the things that I needed to. He said that I would be able to overcome the hard things that come my way and that I would feel comfort. He also reminded me that Heavenly Father loved me and was aware of me and the things I was going through. Having a worthy priesthood holder as my husband has already been such a blessing. So I guess to wrap up this ridiculously long post, I just needed to write down my thoughts and feelings of that incredible day and of my life so far with Austin. I love being married to him. I love being his wife and serving him, and although I know that things will change, I will make it my goal in life to make sure I always feel this way, if not stronger in love with him, forever. After all, it's only the start of forever right now :)

Our Love Story

As I'm typing this I'm still in like utter disbelief and shock, but I'm so so excited!! 

I met Austin the second week of Fall semester 2015. We were put in the same FHE family in our ward and for the first FHE of the semester we invited them over just to get to know each other and discuss what we were going to do for activites. I thought he was cute, but since I was dating someone else at the time, I didn't give it a second thought, and we just became friends. A few weeks into the semester I was single again, but was also trying to put myself out there and get back into the dating pool again (which let's be honest, I sincerely hated, but I also didn't want to be utterly single forever). We had FHE every week and talked every once and a while, but nothing even slightly changed until mid October. For FHE one night we went to the straw maze. We tried to all stay together, but at one point Austin wandered off on his own and since I saw where he was going I followed him and tried to get him to rejoin the group. Instead, we ended up going through the whole maze together. He was a gentleman and we talked and laughed through the whole thing. My attraction to him grew a little more that day and I was surprised at how easy our conversation flowed. We finished going through the maze before anyone else and just hung outside for a little while before everyone joined us. Since I knew Alora was going to come into town that weekend I thought it would be fun to go to the haunted forest so we invited everyone, and I particularly invited Austin to come. He worked sometime that weekend and was spending the rest of the time with his parents so he didn't end up coming. Some of his roommates did though and that leads me to another story I'll come back to.

There were a few other guys that I was interested in and were trying to date around that time too, but they all kind of fizzled out towards the end of Oct. Halloween day though I had an eye appointment in Idaho Falls so Nicole and I decided that we would go to lunch, my appointment and then hit up the mall for a little bit. We invited our FHE brothers to come with us and Austin and his roommate Matt decided they were going to join us. When we were at the mall it seemed to me like the dynamics had changed a little bit. It felt like we were almost on a double date or something. Austin and I were flirting and the whole time I was thinking to myself, "What in the world is happening...what does this mean?" But the rest of the afternoon continued like that and when we were about ready to leave we invited them over for dinner and to watch some scary movies with us. Eventually they finally made it over to our apartment. Austin, Matt and I had homework to do so we ate and did that, but they finished before me and headed into the living room to watch the movies. I finished a little bit later, looked into the living room, saw how many people were there and wondered where in the world I should sit. I asked that out loud and Austin answered for me to come sit by him. Because we were so squished we ended up sitting really close to one another and just naturally ended up cuddling. And we've pretty much been inseperable since. We gradually started texting more I would invite him to things, he'd come, and then on Nov. 7th he brought me up to the family farm, we held hands, and I knew I was in for it.

The next few weeks everything just flew by so naturally. I kind of wanted to DTR (Determine the Relationship) and figure out where we stood because I wanted to call him my boyfriend, but the talk never came. Instead he just referred to me as his girlfriend one day and I ran with it. I was so excited and giddy when it happened. I found out some funny things on the way like the fact that he called dibs on me our first FHE, tracked my relationship status as best as he could through his roommates, and even had his roommates spy on me when they were around and he wasn't. This resulted in a few crazy things when they thought I was engaged to one of best friends, Spencer, and at the same time apparently dating one of my other best friends, Garrett! Thankfully he was smart about it and didn't believe those things, because our relationship just kept progressing as time went on. As crazy as it sounds though, I knew I was falling for him, and I was falling for him quick. The week of Thanksgiving I met basically his mom's whole side of the family, and his entire immediate family as well. They accepted me with open arms, I felt like I belonged and I was right where I was supposed to be. That week I knew that I was in love with Austin and realized that we were in it for the long run and I was going to marry him. I felt like I was crazy and I couldn't believe that I could ever know something that fast, but that weekend he said he loved me, and I knew we were both feeling the same thing.

The next little while flew by and before we knew it, we had made plans for him to fly out to Arizona after Christmas to meet my family. It was around that same time in December that we started to talk about getting married. Because of timing and everything with the farm and with him transferring to BSU to get into the nursing program we talked about April 9th, and that's the date that's always seemed right. We also talked about his plan before we could get engaged. It included 4 parts. He had to first, ask my dad for permission. Second, we would go ring shopping where I would pick out my top 3 favorite rings. Then third, out of those 3 he would pick his favorite, before four, finally proposing. 

Being without him for the first 10 days of Christmas Break was harder than I ever imagined it would be. He kept busy and I was bored out of my mind. All I wanted to do was talk to him constantly and facetime every day, but the way it would out we were only able to do that a few times. I missed him more than I thought I would and was surprised one night when I just cried myself to sleep. I had never had such strong feelings for someone before. I always prided myself on being a strong, independent woman, and it shocked met that I couldn't control my emotions that night. I think that helped me recognize how real this was and how much I really needed him. It was two days after that we were finally reunited. After a 2 hour delay and what seemed like forever waiting for him, at 1:30 am I finally saw him. My heart was whole again. We spent a wonderful 5 days with my family, just hanging out, playing games, and being together. Austin fit right in and I was so pleased to see how well he meshed with everyone. We were also able to attend the Gilbert temple together which is where we had discussed getting married. It was an indescribable feeling sitting in the Celestial Room with him knowing we would be back there in a few months right before we were to be sealed to one another for eternity. I simply cannot express how much love I felt for him in that moment, and most especially how much appreciation and gratitude I felt that he was worthy and ready to take me there. The rest of our time in AZ was wonderful, but after a while it was time to return back to school and reality and head back to Rexburg.

Apparently over Christmas break when Austin came to meet my family he asked my dad for permission. He was so sneaky I had no idea until my mom accidently gave it away shortly before we went ring shopping. I only found out recently what actually happened and he was shocked that I didn't know or pick up any hints! When we got back to Rexburg after break it took a couple of weeks, and mainly a weekend of him working doubles to be able to put a down payment down for a ring, before anything engagement wise came up. We knew that we were getting married and that if we waited to get engaged to plan everything we wouldn't have much time so we started planning and looking into things shortly after we talked about getting married the first time, but as far as the engagement was concerned, it was still a while coming. After he got home from that last shift of doubles a couple weekends ago though he said we were going ring shopping. The next day we went to Jensen Jewelers here in Rexburg and I found the most beautiful ring I have ever seen that fit exactly what I wanted. It was out of our desired price range though so I figured I wouldn't get it and we found other ones that were simpler at some other places that I liked too. That was the only day we did that and then we didn't talk about it again though. I was trying to be patient and I wanted him to be able to surprise me so I tried to keep my curiosity and observations to a minimum. Sometimes it was was really hard though and I was anxious. I kept feeling like I had to look good all the time and make sure that my nails were always painted. Goodness gracious, you would have thought I was being followed by paparazzi or something. But it was all in good fun and worth it so that I could actually look good when the time came.  

Earlier in January we scheduled a time my mom and sisters could fly up here to go dress shopping whether or not I was engaged. That time was the weekend of January 29th and when Tuesday of that week came and I was still not engaged I wondered when he was ever going to do it. I could've sworn all of the signs pointed to it being that night. I was a little disappointed and frustrated when we just hung out and nothing happened, but I tried to not let on. Then on Wednesday, January 27th, we went to the 4:30 session at the temple like normal and when we came out, to my complete and utter surprise, he had all of our friends and my sister, and his dad and sister waiting with signs that said, "Will you marry me?" I immediately enveloped him in a hug and then after we hugged he told me how much he loved me, that I was his best friend, and that he wanted to spend his whole life with me. He was crying, I was crying, and in that moment of shock and surprise, I had never felt so loved. He then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him! My personality really showed through at that moment when the only response that left my mouth was, "Duh," but I couldn't help myself. I knew I wanted to marry him more than anything. I knew it was coming, he actually managed to surprise me and I'm still on cloud nine. Oh, and that perfect ring? Yeah, it's currently sitting on my left hand just gorgeous and stunning. I seriously can't believe this is my life!! Haha 

I also bought my dream dress that weekend that my mom and sisters were here, another miracle! It was originally $950 but because they're discontinuing it we got it for an amazing price. I seriously can't believe how everything is falling together. I am so excited to marry Austin and be sealed to him for eternity. He is the love of my life, my best friend, and seriously the most hard working and amazing man I have ever met. My heart has never felt so full. I have never felt this much before in my whole life. Sometimes I really don't believe that this is my life. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that everything I have ever hoped and dreamed for has not only come true, but is so much better than I ever thought possible. My testimony of the Lord's plan has grown so much too. Our Father in Heaven really does have something so much better than we could've ever hoped and dreamed for in store for us. We need only trust Him and remain worthy and ready when the time comes. I love Austin more than I've ever loved anyone in my whole life. I love him more each and every day, and am shocked realizing that my capacity to love him grows each day too. I have truly, "...found the one whom my soul loveth." (Songs of Solomon 3:4) We are by no means perfect. Both of us have a lot to learn, but we're so excited and ready to do those things together. Now the real countdown begins! 62 days until I'm married and sealed to the man who has changed everything and made me realize that true love does exist.