Tis The Season to be Grateful

I can't believe how fast this last week has gone...it seems so crazy to think that even now that I'm home from my mission, my life still flashes before my eyes! Makes me wonder if I'm actually doing something worthwhile with my time, you know? Anyway, like I said, crazy fast week, but a pretty good one nonetheless; I'm establishing some kind of routine more and less, and I feel like success will come gradually in the moments I least expect it.

We met our FHE groups this last week! We had a ward social and dinner that the Bishopric put on and it was really nice. I really enjoyed seeing other people in my ward in a less formal environment. It was nice to finally see who we were going to be paired up with for the next couple months too. Although I must admit, that sadly, we have two apartments of girls to only one apartment of guys'. I'm hoping that despite some rumors and whatnot that I have heard, that we can actually get through this semester without drama and awkward relationships cause "so and so" likes/liked "so and so". Hopefully it'll all work out, but with so many girls there is no guarantee.

The rest of the week kinda just flew by. Just school and work again. There's not really much time for anything else in my life. I told my mom this week that it's probably a good thing that I sit next to only married guys in all my classes because honestly, I don't really have time to date. Nor do I really want to, guys are weird. So there's a blessing in disguise, weirdly enough.

On another note, this weekend was fantastic! We had a Once Upon a Time marathon like all night Fri and all day yesterday before the broadcast. It was fantastic! My roommates are so much to be around and we're always laughing! Speaking of the broadcast, it was amazing!! I really hope you all were able to see it! I remember watching the 1st Annual General Women's Meeting last year when I was still on my mission last year. I remember being so intrigued and excited. I also remember feeling so inspired and uplifted. It was another testimony builder for me, that even across thousands of miles, the meetings were still the same and I could still hear the same counsel my mom and friends did back home. It was amazing last year for me and it was just as incredible this year. I think it would have been cool to have been with my mom and sisters, but I still appreciate the opportunity to go anyway. For those of you that haven't seen it yet, check it out: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/watch/2014/10?lang=eng&vid=3810237340001 You won't regret it!

This week was also a really big eye opener concerning gratitude and being grateful in trials. I have noticed a lot this week how Crystal has been handling her whole situation. I know that she's in pain almost every day and usually she can't take her meds again for a couple more hours when I show up, but what amazes me is her attitude. Here you have a normal, crafty, service-oriented, busy mother of 3, who has now been confined to her bed 24/7, except to use the bathroom. And yet, she still has a smile on her face, still is so concerned about others (including myself), still laughs and tries to keep herself busy with whatever projects she can do while sitting in her bed. It's so inspiring. I'll have you know that she asks me every day when I walk in how I am, how my day was, if I met any cute guys, etc. etc., the list goes on and on. And when she asks she doesn't just go through the formality of it, but actually listens to everything I have to say. She's not void of visitors either! I would say she probably has on average at least one a day, if not more. Yet she still shows me that she cares about me or anyone that she talks to for that matter.

In trying to apply the things that I have observed or realized for myself I remember when a time when I was really struggling on my mission. My companion and I were not having very much success and we were taking it out on ourselves, there were hard times going on at home, and honestly, I was confused as to why I was struggling so much and experiencing so many trials when I felt like I was the best missionary that I could be. The lessons I learned during that time I hope I never forget. I learned so much about trials and how important they are in our progression, especially our eternal progression. But we can choose to be grateful in our trials and choose to let them shape us into the persons that Heavenly Father would have us become. It's a pretty awesome realization when you truly can apply it. It has really taught me a lot about how to really look and seek for the lessons amidst the hardest times of my life, and rest assured this can be applied to all of you as well.

As the second verse of "More Holiness Give Me" says, "More gratitude give me/More trust in the Lord/More pride in his glory/More hope in his word/More tears for his sorrows/more pain at his grief/More meekness in trial/More praise for relief."

The Unseen Hand

Well here we are again! Sorry to my amazing readers who had to wait a few days for this post...let's just say my 17 credits and 20 hour week work caught up with me a little this weekend. I am happy to say though that this week is starting off to a little better start and I am grateful for this time that I have to record my thoughts, feelings and insights from this last week.

I think I got a little ahead of myself last week when I stated that it was an interesting week. To say that this last week was interesting is the understatement of the century! I honestly don't know how I am functioning most days anymore. I feel like the "school. work. homework. sleep." routine has skyrocketed itself into auto-pilot mode and has left me in the dust. My mind is constantly running and most of my thoughts surround the idea of "what do I need to do next?" Although at times I want to play and have fun, I did want to get back into a routine and Heavenly Father has so graciously given me it. In saying that I also add these famous words, "You get what you asked for."

I honestly never would've imagined being able to handle a schedule like this before my mission. My first semester was all fun and no study; it's so different compared to now, which seems to be all study and no play. But it's a good thing for the most part, really. In the last week I feel that I have already grown a ton and that Heavenly Father is simply increasing my capacity day by day. If I take a moment to sit back and watch, it's actually quite incredible. I mean He takes someone like me, a normal 20 year old college student, He places them in an ever learning and growing environment, and day by day or even hour by hour, He stretches and enlarges their capability in order to accomplish the things that He asks of them. It's incredible, if you ask me! I love knowing that if I do all that He asks, He will give me the strength to accomplish all of my hopes and dreams.

Speaking of growing, I have learned a few lessons this week, especially about service, in many different forms this week. As most of you know from my last post, I now have a job. This last week I worked about 20 hours for them and it was a lot. But I think in anything that's a little stressful or almost too much, there are subtle lessons that we can learn. Even though I am getting paid to work for them, it has been the most rewarding and satisfying job I have ever had. And not only have I seen a difference in myself and the way I view my "job", but I have also seen a lot of unseen acts of service or small and simple acts of service that her family has provided.

Take her girls for instance. I watch the way they look at Crystal, the way they offer silent prayers in their hearts for her well-being.I hear the concern in their voices when they tell each other not to do things that might be more painful for her. I see their willingness (most of the time) to do the little things she asks of them, even when they don't want to. I see their desire to be on their best behavior so that she's happy. I can see their confusion, their uncertainty and sometimes their fear too, understandably, but miraculously I watch them push it aside for one reason or another. At their tender ages of 7, 10 and 14 they are incredibly enough, making imprints on my heart and my life.

Interestingly enough, I was pondering a lot about these things while making the 30-45 min trek to their house on Friday afternoon. I was going to go to the temple with one of my roommates so I tried to mentally and spiritually prepare myself by listening to church music today. It was during the quiet moments of the instrumental songs where I was still enough to, I believe, ponder on some wonderful thoughts through the spirit. It was during this time of reflection that I thought a lot about charity and how much I was learning about it at such a personal level.

I thought of the Savior and His own attribute of charity and love. I recognized once more, as I had several times on my mission, that the Lord needed me to learn this lesson, at this time in my life. It's amazing to me, how when He wants you to learn something, He places an opportunity right in front of your eyes so that you really can learn it. Heavenly Father wants us all to become like Him and our Savior. One of the biggest things that we really need to learn is this attribute about charity. It is the true test of our willingness to put ourselves aside and become worthy to enter into God's presence. And we can't just learn about it either. We literally have to apply it to our lives or, in the end, we could be considered as "nothing".These simple acts of charity were and are happening right in front of my eyes and some of them I have actually had the privilege to be a part of.

During the sacrament on Sunday I decided to focus on these aspects of service and charity, specifically in conference talks and I came across some quotes that I absolutely love. The first was, "Focusing on serving our brothers and sisters can guide us to make divine decisions in our daily lives and prepares us to value and love what the Lord loves. In so doing, we witness by our very lives that we are His disciples. When we are engaged in His work, we feel His spirit with us. We grow in testimony, faith, trust, and love." I can testify so much to this as I seen this take place in my life this last week. Even with a incredulously rigorous schedule, I am surviving. And not even surviving, but thriving! I have learned that the Lord really is helping be balance everything else in my life, as I have put Him and others in my life, first. Somehow everything has fallen into place by an unseen hand. It's His hand and He's doing it because I'm taking advantage of this incredible opportunity to serve. I love it!

I'd like to close with the words to the 5th verse of "Truth Reflect upon our Senses", "Charity and love are healing;/ These will I give the clearest sight;/ When I saw my brother's failing,/ I was not exactly right./Now I'll take no further trouble;/ Jesus' love is all my theme;/ Little motes are but a bubble/ When I think upon the beam." May we all strive to be a little more charitable and provide acts of service in our daily lives, whatever they be. I promise blessings from the Lord if we do so and I testify they are real.

Pennies to Dollars

Well considering all the feedback my mom and I received about my weekly letters while I was on my mission, I decided that what a better way to continue sharing my adventures and spiritual insights than starting a blog! In saying that I am making it a personal goal to update it every Sunday as my way of keeping the Sabbath holy and also taking some time to reflect on my week, especially as I search for God's hand in it.

This last week has been a bit interesting. I left my home in Oro Valley again after only a few short weeks to begin my college adventure again up at BYU-Idaho. I saw my best friends the night before, got my stuff all packed, said my goodbyes on Wed. morning and we were out the door by 6:30 am. It was hard leaving my family again, but thankfully I now have the privilege of communicating every day with them still and I put it all into perspective that it truly wouldn't be that long before I would see them again. I mean what's 2 or 3 months to a year and a half, right? In realizing that, it made it easier to walk away yet again, and get excited about coming back to school.

The trip itself was pretty nice since Caleb, the one I rode with, and I were able to share stories, experiences, etc. from our missions. I miss the mission and especially all of the amazing people I met and so it's always a wonderful experience for me to share those things with others. It was also cool to see the evidence that we were assigned to our missions for a reason through the things that we shared with each other.

We drove all the way to the Lehi/Orem, UT area on Wed. making it in about 11 hours, which was really nice since I was able to go over earlier to Alan, Annette and their family's house. It was such a blessing to see them again and just to catch up. I was so happy that all my cousins were as excited to see me as I was to see them. They asked me a million and one questions, wanted me to jump on the trampoline, etc. etc., but I just loved being with them again.

Thurs. morning we headed out around 9:30 am to make our final stretch to Rexburg. We were like little kids again at Christmas, we were so excited when we crossed the Idaho boarder...ok, maybe that was just me! But still, I couldn't contain my excitement! I was so excited to finally be heading back and to feel the reassurance, once again, that I was headed exactly where I was supposed to be. What an incredible feeling that is!

When I finally got into Rexburg I got to spend most of the day with one of my best friends, Rachel. It was so good to see her and catch up with her personally, then later her husband, Eric, and sister, Audrey. We've all been friends pretty much since I moved to Texas and it was way funny to finally see Rachel and Eric married after all the years Rachel and I talked about how it was going to happen. Since I was not here not witness their wedding personally, I also got the inside scoop on how everything went and came together and it was just so much fun! I have really missed them. I also have to add that I am also so grateful for them, especially Rachel because even after everything else she had already done for me, she also helped move me in and took me grocery shopping. I am so thankful for her!

The rest of Friday was jam packed after that as I met my boss, finished unpacking everything, went to the farmer's market with the Crawfords, visited with Tory and Ferry, and bonded with my roommates over the tv show Sherlock (Which by the way, is FANTASTIC in case you're wondering). All in all, it was a good day and after meeting most of my roommates and spending some time with them, I have pre-determined that this is going to be a great semester.

I slept in a little bit on Saturday, but I also needed to get up for my first day at my new job. Nicely enough, instead of letting me walk all the way up hill to my job, my roommate Nicole, offered to drive me there so I made it perfectly on time. I'm working for this family that is really being affected by their mom's sickness right now. Crystal, the mom, has some unidentified illness, so far, that has left her bed ridden at the moment and they are in desperate need of my help as their mom is unable to function and do the things that she used to do for them. Yesterday we switched furniture in two different rooms, and also rearranged two other rooms in their house to make it more accessible to for her to see her girls if they were outside playing or eating in the dining room, and I did some cleaning as well. It was hard work and 4 hours later I was dead tired, but I left feeling so gratified that I was able to help this family at such a hard time in their lives. Although they are paying me, I do feel that Heavenly Father has given me a wonderful opportunity to serve and I am very grateful for that.

This morning was really nice as we attended our first Sunday meetings in the BYUI 73rd ward! Haha, that just goes to show you how many of us there are. But it was nice to be back in a YSA ward, and I really enjoyed the discussions and lessons we had. I also loved the talks in sacrament meeting. All the meetings had different topics, but I also feel that they connected so well with each other at the same time. In Relief Society we talked a lot about how sometimes Heavenly Father doesn't give us blessings right away if we're just going through the motions. He expects us to do more and show Him that we really desire the promised blessings. Then Whitney, the teacher, said something I hadn't really thought of before. She explained, "we can't give Heavenly Father pennies and expect to receive dollars in return." And she's right! Heavenly Father DOES love us, more than we will ever know or comprehend in this mortal life, but that doesn't mean that He will continually hand out blessings that we are not worthy to receive. It goes down to the basic and simple phrase, "if you want something, you work for it." We can't accomplish any of our passions and dreams if we are not willing to work hard despite the set-backs that come our way, and it the SAME for the gospel and God's plan for us. We cannot just expect that through mundane, half-hearted efforts, He is going to reward us with all the blessings that He has ever promised us. We have to show a willingness and a desire to not only receive those blessings, but also return to Him. As we become continually converted, every single day of our lives, we will recognize the need to "do a little more and be a little better". We will ensure that the "motions" of the gospel are done with emotion, and that they have a purpose in our lives. As we do these things we will better recognize the blessings and receive more than we have ever imagined. That's His promise to us, and as stated in D&C 82:10, He is "bound when [we] do what [He] says".