The Adventure of a Lifetime

Originally it all started as a thought, but slowly that thought turned to actions, which then became plans and payment options, and before I knew it I was paying for and planning a trip of a lifetime. I knew the sacrifices it would take- time, money, long hours of travel-but I also knew I couldn't pass up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so I took it for what it was worth and ran with it.

For as long as I can remember traveling has been one of my favorite pastimes. It may not be the actual traveling part itself, but the idea of going to a new place, starting a new adventure, meeting new people, and seeing the beauty of the world has always just struck a chord with me. Most of my bucket list contains places that I'd like to live or visit rather than actual events or things to do. There's an exhiliration like none other that comes to me when I cross another place, another adventure, off of the list. And this time brought extra excitement because for the first time, something that was so near to my family was becoming a reality for me too. We were going to Scotland and Ireland! :D

The planning for this trip as the weeks grew closer were honestly a little stressful. Missing 8 days of college is not usually the smartest thing in the book. Thankfully for both Jess and I, our teachers were understanding and willing to adjust assignments and tests, as needed, and rather quickly I learned the weight of missing that much class. I knew that if I put in the effort and kept track of everything I'd be all right though so that's when I started the to-do list and set out to do everything I needed to.

The actual trip itself began on Wed., September 30th as we embraked on a short road trip with my kind grandparents from Rexburg to Salt Lake. We celebrated Grandpa's birthday with Subway for dinner (big timers!), and spent the night in a hotel close to the airport. The next morning started early as we were about to embark on the first flight of the 3 that would take us across the globe in seemingly one day, but as the hours begane to be added up, of course we came to the conclusion that it was definitely not just one day. Out of Salt Lake we flew to Houston and then from Houston we flew to Newark where we met up with my parents, and my aunts and uncles, Colette and Waylon, and Densie and Collin. After waiting several hours there we were finally boarding the flight that would take us across the pond to Glasgow, Scotland, and we couldn't be more excited!

10/1/15 8:47 am

We finally made it! We were the first ones in our group to actually touchdown in the motherland so after waiting a while we finally met our tour guide, Mr. John Green, were whisked off to the bus, waited again and then began our journey with our group of 36 into the city of Glasgow. The rest of the day was a bit of a blur as we arrived too early to check in so we were told to go shop for a few hours before the appropriate time. We then spent the remainder of the day in a daze of excitement. We took a tour of downtown Glasgow where I saw the most beautiful architecture I've ever seen in my life, and where I realized that my wardrobe options may not be an weather appropriate as I had hoped. Later that night after dinner when we were given free time we went on an adventure of our own as Jess, Mom and Dad , and I set off to find a Bansky (Jess's favorite underground street artist) piece located in the middle of downtown. Sadly, we were not able to find it, but having a glimpse at the night-life of Glasgow was an adventure in and of itself for me.

I'm thankful for this opportunity and feel so blessed. Heavenly Father has really given me so many opportunities in my life to expand my knowledge of the good things of the world and to really gain an appreciation for all cultures and ways of life. I feel like these adventures have and will really continue to shape me into the person I want to become. It's been an incredible journey so far!

10/2/15 10:36 am

Loch Lomond...we're going to find Nessie today! Well, Stanley found him! Today was chalk full of driving through the highland, visiting Lochs, finding Nessie, and spending the night in Inverness. It's some of the most beautiful landcapes I've ever seen. It rains so much here that it is green pretty much all year round.

Today I was reminded once again how beautiful God's creations are. From something as simple as the rolling hills of the highlands, to the architectural structures that line that streets and rivers of this beautiful country, His fingerprint is evident in all of it. It is truly incredible to witness it.

This is a Test

There are few things I love more than being and serving in the temple. I've had maybe one or two rare moments where I felt the spirit overwhelmingly strong, but most of the time I'm just comfortable; almost as if it would too much for me to feel more than the serene comfort that envelops me as I walk through the halls. I have always wondered why I have never had similar overwhelming spiritual experiences that others have had. I've wondered if maybe I was in the wrong mindset, or maybe I'm just too tired. I've gone as far as to question whether or not I am worthy to even be there. All of this, of course, is not from our Heavenly Father, and as I have recognized that I realized that the feelings that I experience and go through at the temple are merely what it feels like when I am home. As I walk through the hallways of the temple I feel calm, happy, peaceful, and loved. That's how I feel when I'm at home- no wonder I love being in my Father's house.

Last Saturday as I was getting close to the end of my shift I was assigned to the Celestial Room. I walked in before the session was out so I took a seat and began looking around. There was a lady that I recognized who had done initiatories a couple weeks previous seated on one of the couches. She looked to be upset from where I was sitting so I watched her a little longer until suddenly she caught my eye. She pointed at me and said she knew me. I told her that it was from initiatories and that I recognized her when she had come into the dressing room earlier. Eventually she motioned for me to sit by her so I went over to where she was at. She got to know me a little better and I got to know her a little better too, and before we knew it the both of us were sharing some personal things that we had recently gone through or were experiencing. I told her how I no longer had a job and how I never in a million years would have planned for that to happen, but how somehow it felt like it was right and that God was directing me to something not known to me yet. I also explained how I had so much time on my hands and I wasn't sure what to do with it. She simply said, "Use it!" She went on to explain how some things had happened her life similar to mine and she was uncertain of what God's plan was for her, but she recognized that something was coming and that she needed to use her time wisely now while she had it. She told me, "You're never going to get this time back- use it wisely." 

I have been wondering for some time now how I can use my time better and what Heavenly Father would expect me to do with all this extra time I have, but last Sunday in Relief Society I had several promptings about it. I wrote in my study journal, "I need to do things that are in my reach, help those that are under my stewardship, and focus on how I can change my world around me & not necessarily the whole world." I've always felt so strongly about my influence and my responsibility to make a difference. It's as if it's inately in my character to look at the world around me and think about all of the charities I should start, and the organizations that I could found to send water to Africa, or build houses in Mexico, or send supplies to other foreign countries after natural diasters strike. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things at all, but I have come to recognize that it's gotta start, or begin somewhere, at relatively small measures before it can become something great. I hope to one day travel the world in humanitarian efforts, that I might be able to make a difference in that way, but I also have started to realize the importance of changing the world around me first. 

I started jotting down an idea of what I could do or how I could do that, and before I knew it I had several ideas: Visiting teaching (more than just the numbers), clean my apartment/do my part, family history/indexing, temple work, sharing my testimony to friends/on social media, writing my recent converts, going out with the sister missionaries, fulfilling my calling- getting to know them personally, donate plasma, find service organizations to join next semester. All of these things didn't seem like much until I realized that these are things that if I truly did them, would fill up my days in doing service. And in reality, those are kind of a lot of things to keep me busy.

Another interesting thing that happened to me last week was when I was reading the Joseph Smith story before going to the temple. I am familiar with the story, and have told it 100+ times, but I noticed something different this time. As I was reading previous to Joseph seeing Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, these two verses struck me: 

15 After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.

16 But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction--not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being--just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.

I think for the first time in my life, I realized that Joseph was about to give up. He was literally in the deepest despair, with seemingly no way out. He had hit what we would commonly refer to as "rock bottom". At that exact moment when he was, as he put it, "ready to...abandon [himself] to destruction...at this moment of great alarm, [he] saw a pillar of light..." This weighed heavily on my heart all day Saturday as well as Sunday morning. I realized that there have been several times in my short life that I have felt that I have hit rock bottom and saw no way out. It was in those vulnerable and tender moments in my life, when I became the closest with my Savior, when I truly recognized Him as not only my Savior and Redeemer, but my older brother and best friend. It was after those scary moments in my life when Heavenly Father blessed me. Not the usual blessings that come from obedience, but the ones that are bigger and come only after serious humbling. The blessings that come with subtle guidance as if Heavenly Father is saying, "Now that you're finally where I need you to be, here are the blessings that accompany that." 

It's been a really rough couple of weeks for me. I think not really having constant things to do after losing my job, not really having close or best friends anymore, and unexpected financial issues and other trials have been weighing on me more than I expected. It's been really hard for me to keep going strong when I don't understand why I need these trials. I consider myself a good advisor when it comes to everyone, but myself. For some reason my advice comforts everyone, but me. I think in a way though it has given me more empathy for those that obey God's commandments, are seemingly doing everything right, and still struggle and have trials. It's a hard thing to understand. For me, it's even harder than justifying sin. I honestly have no idea why I need to be experiencing all of these things right now. It seems unfair at times when I compare myself to others who are at similar stages in life. For someone who has tried to spend their whole life in obedience to God's commandments, it's never an easy thing to accept trials, as most of us assume that when we experience trials and tribulations it's because Heavenly Father needs us to change or because we're not worthy enough.

When we were talking about the Refiner's Fire in Institute this last week something struck my deeply though. We watched a video where this woman had had a plan to have children every two years and have as many as they could. Long story short, two out of four of her children passed away and then after the second one passed, 3 weeks later her husband also died. She said something along these lines, "We don't always pass through the refiner's fire because we're bad or unworthy or because we need to change, but sometimes it's so we can help others or experience deeper joy." I couldn't believe that this woman honestly thought that all of those trials could seriously bring her deeper joy, but as she talked about Christ and her personal relationship with her Savior, I saw it. I saw that joy emulated in her expression. 

This life is not meant to be easy. How could it be when the end reward for those who pass is eternal life and exaltation?! I know that it's easy to just say, "Heavenly Father, this sucks. My life sucks and I can't do it anymore!" Believe me, I'm pretty sure I said that two nights ago in my prayers! But the important thing is not that we act all hunky dorey while we're experiencing these things, it's ok to be sad, to feel sorrowful, that makes it that much sweeter when the joy comes! The important thing is that we let these trials shape us, we let them teach us something. we make it so that we control the situation and what we gain out of it. It's never going to be easy...because honestly, it's not meant to be.

"Lucifer whispers that life's not fair and that if the gospel were true, we would never have problems or disappointments. ...The gospel isn't a guarentee against tribulation. That would be like a test with no questions. Rather, the gospel is a guide for maneuvering through the challenges of life with a sense of purpose and direction." -Sheri L. Dew "This is a Test. It is Only a Test."

Go and Become

How often do we disregard the little things? The things that are important, but that maybe we just don't really seem to acknowledge. I'm talking about the things each day that maybe a loved one does for us, or the little things daily that we must do in order to keep going, to keep living. I was thinking this morning about how the things we want to accomplish, our passions, the dreams we've set our hearts on since we were children, are all made up of little steps, little goals, simple, daily acts.

Isn't that fastinating to think about? I mean, if anything, I think at first it takes a little pressure off of the idea that all of the sudden these are things that have to be accomplished overnight. For example, if I wanted to become a scholar in music, specifically the piano, there is no way, no matter how much I wished for it, that if I stayed up all night reading and studying, I would be able to explain to you all about the origins of the piano, share with you all of the amazing pianists the world's ever known, etc. etc. To become a scholar takes time. It takes dedication and focus, time and perserverance. And those are all made up of the little decisions and actions that grow into big results.

I was thinking more especially about goals and why they're important. Goals are what help us accomplish the bigger and better things. They give us the steps and the motivation behind everything that we do and accomplish. In Preach My Gospel, Elder M Russell Ballard is quoted, "I am so thoroughly convinced that if we don't set goals in our life and learn how to master the techniques of living to reach our goals, we can reach a ripe old age and look back on our life only to see that we reached but a small part of our full potential. When one learns to master the principles of setting a goal, he will then be able to make a great difference in the results he attains in this life."

My study of PMG and the scriptures, every day on my mission gave me the confidence that the spirit would help me remember the things that I had studied so that I could help others. I admit that nowadays it is becoming harder and harder for me to find the motivation to study daily, but I recognize each day when I don't do it, that I am failing myself, and letting myself down. I recognize that my priorities are not where they used to be, and I understand that it can take only 5 mins a day for me to accomplish this goal. That's so little compared to all of the time I have in a day. Remember, it's the little things that make a difference.

This last Sunday we had Regional Conference for the whole state of Idaho. Elder Brent H. Nielson of the Seventy was there with Sister Marriott and Elder Perry. They all gave wonderful talks and the underlying topic that I gathered from all of them was change. And most importantly, little changes that need to take place inside of each of us. Elder Nielson told us that when he became a Seventy he waited for days to receive instruction until finally one of the other general authorities told him to, "go and become," so he studied more about the Savior and soon he started to become more like him. The same applies to us. If we want to be something different, to change, then we, as well, need to go and become.

"Go and Become"

Anything worth while isn't meant to be easy.

Why?

Because the goals we set push us to do something different

To step out of our comfort zone and to change.

They help us to look at who we are and recognize

That that is not who we need to become.

When we look at the things that we want,

The things we want to accomplish

Our dreams.

When we push ourselves,

When we look at who we are

And who we want to be,

We are proving to ourselves 

That we are capable of more.

Our pasts don't define us

They refine us.

We prove to not only ourselves,

But the world, 

That we are stronger, 

Better,

Capable, 

And ready to change.

We prove that what we want to become,

Is far more important than where we come from,

Or who we were,

Are,

Or what we have done.

We cannot become what we want to be

By remaining who we are.

So each day let us remember

That who we are TODAY

can be different than who we are TOMORROW.

That we have the power, 

The choice,

And the ability to be different,

To change,

And to leave our marks on the world.

Let us remember that we can

Make a difference,

That we can see the difference,

That we can be the difference.

That being different is not a bad thing,

It's what sets us apart.

Be the change you wish 

To see in the world.

Go and become.

To My Future Child

February 13th. I sat on my bed and thought about that for a long time. A date that seemingly passed every year without a second thought now held a more extreme significance than I could have ever imagined. As I sat there, a flood of memories came to mind and I couldn't help but think about what a difference two years can make. 

I pulled out my phone and tried to express my thoughts and feelings as I typed, "Two years ago today as a newly set apart missionary, I said goodbye to the most important people in my life, stepped onto a plane, and started the craziest and most incredible journey of my life. I don't think I understood then what that adventure would entail. I know I didn't fully understand how extremely difficult some days it would be to even just get out of bed, or how much joy and happiness I could feel even without the luxuries of home. I didn't know how big of an impact certain individuals would make on my life and the things that I would learn from them. All I really understood and knew was that I was going exactly where I was supposed to be. And I have since come to realize that as much as I was called to serve in the Philippines for reasons that are still unfolding, I was called so that I could change. My biggest convert was me and will always be me. My mission was never a sacrifice, it was and will forever be the biggest blessing in my life! #philippinesbacolodmission #missionary #blessedbeyondbelief #foreverchanged #palanggakoangpilipinas."

Two whole years. It's amazing how fast the time has gone. I never would've imagined before leaving everything behind that my life would turn out the way that it has. As I thought about all of the people, the places, the distance from my family, the things I learned, how much I grew and changed, I couldn't help but be in awe at how all of those things and experiences and feelings, happened in such a short amount of time. I mean at the age of 18 I thought I had pretty much got it down. I knew what I wanted in life and where I was going, or so I thought, but that was all before The Lord showed me that He truly knows what's best. 

I've thought long and hard about how to truly express the thoughts and feelings in my heart, and I remembered an article I read a while back about writing a letter to your future children. I have written how I feel regarding my mission to family, friends, just about anyone and everyone, but when it's concerning a future child of mine, I think there are deeper principles to be taught. I also think it's something that I need to do so that I can not only show them in the future when that crucial time comes, but also so that I can remember how I felt. So here's my letter to you: my future child.

My dear beautiful and loved child,

If I am showing you it must mean that you have reached a crucial decision making time. A time when you may be weighed down with some pretty big choices. My guess is that not all of them are bad, in fact, they are probably all good, and that's probably moreso why you are at this crossroad in your life. I bet you're juggling whether pursuing your education, a mission, or maybe even accepting a sport, performing arts or academic scholarship is what's right for you at this time. Those are all amazing things that will bring about so many blessings, and I am so proud of you!

I remember being in a similar situation when the announcement came out. I know, I know, you've heard this story! But I don't know if you know how many different choices were being laid out before me. I don't know if I told you that I sat at the temple many Saturdays and ran through my mind all of the options that I had and waited, while pondering these choices, to receive any inkling of a prompting regarding what I should do. I've probably told you this, but it doesn't hurt to add that I had never planned on serving a mission. I honestly and sincerely hoped to be married by the time I was eligible to serve. So I still hoped that that desire would be fulfilled. I had a lot of options regarding school, whether to stay the next semester or go home, what to study, whether to stay off track or not. I also wondered if I was supposed to stay and not serve, but rather prepare myself for a temple marriage. So many things that were all good. None of them really better than the other.

When the announcement came out I knew everything was going to change. It was inevitable. Maybe that was the first inkling that I was gong to serve, but I think I was more concentrated on the fact that that meant that even more of my friends would be serving at the same time, and that a lot more of my girlfriends would be going. I distinctly remember sitting there on the couch after Pres. Monson's prophetic announcement came out of his mouth, and I just kept muttering, "This changes everything. I don't know what's going to happen, but this changes everything."

That night I started praying. I asked Heavenly Father if I was supposed to serve. I asked him to answer me so that I could recognize that it was Him, and I knew that attending conference the next morning in the presence of all the general authorities, Apostles, and Prophet was a surefire way to get an overwhelming dose of the spirit. I was wrong, my dear child. I was wrong then for not only expecting an answer so soon, but for expecting one at all.

The reason I was wrong is because of what I learned after my so called "trial of faith." I spent nearly an entire month asking in fervant prayer, fasting, studying my scriptures and patriarchal blessing, church and temple attendance, talking with family and friends to no avail. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Absolutely nothing. Then I was talking to my visiting teacher and beloved friend Meghan who told me that maybe, just maybe I knew what I had to do and that Heavenly Father was just waiting for me to make a decision so He could tell me it was right or wrong. 

It wasn't a matter of a good choice and a bad choice for me. All of my options were good, just like I'm sure yours are. I could've been happy doing in of those and still been a worthy, active member of Christ's church, just as you can. The thing was though that serving a mission at that time, leaving school, work, and family and friends behind, was the best option for me. 

I feel the need to add that although it was the best option for me and I moved forward and received that confirmation that it was indeed what I was supposed to do, that did not make it any easier. A mission is hard. There is absolutely no sugarcoating that. I experienced some of the absolute worst days of my life while serving The Lord. But do I regret it? Never. How could I possibly regret something that has become the biggest blessing in my life?

My love, you will never regret "giving up" anything when you serve The Lord wholeheartedly. There will be many, many hard days. Days when it seems easier to just give up and go home, then it does to walk or bike or drive one more mile. Days when all of your thoughts turn to home, to me and to your dad, to your siblings, and you'll want nothing more than to be with us. Days when it seems that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Days when it seems that Satan is literally grasping the hearts of every single person around you. There may even days when it seems like WWIII has broken out in your apartment because you and your companion can't even stand to look at each other (please don't let that happen though, there is something to be learned from each companion, and they at least deserve to be treated as you would hope they would treat you). But oh my dear, there are days when you feel you could walk the whole earth spreading the glorious message of hope and love. Days when your cup feels like "it runneth over" and you get caught up in all of the blessings you're receiving.

There will be many days where you can't stop smiling because you see The Lord's hand in everything around you. Days when joy and happiness seem to be the only thing in your vocabulary. There will be many days where you sit there astonished at the words that came out of your mouth as the spirit flowed through you. There will be days when you see the changes that are happening inside a person's heart as they become converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ. There will be days when you cry tears of happiness as you see someone enter the waters of baptism, completely cleaned from all of their previous wrongdoings, and then witness or perform the ordinance of them receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. These are the days, the moments, the hours, the memories that will remain with you forever. These are what will shape you, mold you, change you into what you are supposed to become. The bad days you will remember as the trials that came before the miracles. But the miracles will be as detailed and distinctive in your mind as if they only happened an hour ago. You must experience all of the hardships and the bad days to truly understand how glorious and incredible the good days are. These days are the days you get a glimpse of eternity. This is when you start to gain a deeper understanding of God's plan of happiness and where you fit in it.

My sweet, sweet child, I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love you. They love you more than even I can comprehend and I am your mother. I trust you and so do they. They will help you and guide you along the way, but they, as do I, ultimately know that you will make not just the right, but the best decision for you and for your future. 

I will leave you one promise. I promise you that anything that you give to The Lord, whatever kind of sacrifice it may be, will be reciprocated seven fold. That means that whatever you end of sacrificing will not end up being a sacrifice in the end because of all of the blessings that will pour out from Heaven to you. In fact, your biggest sacrifice could end up becoming your greatest blessing. 

I am so proud of you, regardless of the decision you make. You are an exceptional child of our Heavenly Father. Thank you for being you, and for letting me share these things with you.

I love you,

Mom

You Are Worth It

Can I just start this off by saying how much I love my roommates? It has been quite the adventure settling in with new roommates once again...emphasis on the again, but what a crazy, hilarious bunch of girls I have the pleasure of living with! I don't think I have ever laughed as hard than when I am with them. We all have very strong, very different personalities, but all walls are completely torn down and laughter ensues as soon as we are together. Between the quote wall, the spying on neighbors, the dibs board, the heart to hearts, I couldn't have asked for better friends to share my adventures with all this time in my life. It's been an incredible experience for me to look back and realize why Heavenly Father put certain people in my life at different times. I love how He places people in my path so I can learn and grow from them.

So it's been a while since I've updated this thing. I've thought about it, put it on my to do lists, moved it to the last priority on my to do list, and have gotten so caught up in other things that I think three weeks have just come and gone, and here you are, my dear readers, just waiting for the update. So please accept my apology and recognize that I really do try to make this a priority, and I really think about things that are happening in my life, or things I've learned that I should share that I feel like could help you.

These past couple of weeks have been wonderful and busy, and just crazy. I never would've imagined being so busy when I'm just working and not even going to school, but you know when you're trying to take over the world and make a difference, I guess you don't really have tons of time to relax. I took on another job, as most of you, but this isn't the paying kind. I now work every Saturday at the Rexburg temple from 5-9:45 am. I'm not going to lie, it has been a struggle dragging myself out of bed at 4 in the morning, but it has also been such a wonderful experience and I've only been twice! I can't even begin to describe how happy I am and how amazed I am at how happy I am at that time in the morning! There are so many amazing people that I have met and that I also work with, and I just love the environment. The temple truly is the house of God. It's incredible the peace and serenity you feel just by walking through the doors. I love it so much.

Aside from working at the temple, Jess and I also went home last weekend to witness and celebrate our baby sister's baptism. I just can't believe that Sierra has grown up so fast. I made a slideshow for the luncheon and was just blown away at how much she has changed. I feel like she changed drastically while I was on my mission, which was hard for me, but she truly is becoming such an amazing little girl. I am blessed by her example, she is truly incredible. And that beautiful little 8 year old's best friend is not a member, and she came with her non member classmate's mom. She's already such a little missionary- I love it!

The whole weekend was just wonderful and was filled with so much family and friends that I just couldn't help but take a step back and really soak in how blessed I am. There have been so many times in the last couple of months where I have felt so inadequate or unworthy of God's blessings, for whatever reason. I felt that He was displeased with me, or felt like I wasn't doing enough and that's why He wasn't blessing me with the things I thought He should. Honestly, I thought that for sure by now I should at least be in a relationship with someone. But because of reasons even I couldn't come up with, I felt that God didn't think I was righteous or worthy enough, or that He was testing me and that this was the trial I needed to experience in my life right now. 

I have since come to realize that none of those things are true, but that it's extremely important to trust in not only Him, but in His timing. I read an entry on Al Fox's blog earlier that put great perspective into what I was gaining from these thoughts and experiences. 

She said, "You will be blessed with a companion that will help you in the ways you need, even if sometimes you feel like they don't exist, or that you're asking for too much or you're too picky. Don't let passing time allow doubts and settling to take over. Don't lose patience and miss out on what He has in store for you. Don't hold yourself back from learning and growing and experiencing other things. Just hold on and don't lose confidence.  Heavenly Father knows what’s important to us and what we need. 

Those who are single, don’t waste your thoughts comparing yourself and defining yourself by what you aren’t and what others are. Don’t allow yourself to question what is “wrong with you.”  Heavenly Father did not shortchange or screw up on you. Don't stress. You just worry about you and worry about God.  Because the thing about Heavenly Father is that if we are trying and are patient, we will never be short-changed from the best blessings He has to offer.

Yeah, sure our future can be uncertain at times, but how exciting that is! How exciting it is to know it's guided by God! (alfoxshead.blogspot)"

It struck a deep chord with me, and helped me put my thoughts in words. I'm going to "doubt my doubts before I doubt my faith", as Pres. Uchtdorf said. I am worthy, I am enough, I am patient, and kind, and loving, especially when waiting on the Lord. His plan is much better than mine. He has much more in store for me than I could ever imagine or dream of. I don't know what it is yet, or when it will happen, but I know they will because I know my Father and He always keeps His promises. It doesn't matter if it's about marriage, or school, or a mission, there will come a time when we will have to fully trust in Him and His timing; a time when we will have to remind ourselves that He will fulfill His promises. But I promise you that no matter what comes your way, you are worthy, you are righteous, and you are worth it!

New Year, New Me

I don't even know where to begin with this one. It's been a whirlwind of the last couple of weeks and I can hardly believe that the last time I wrote was last year. What an incredible and interesting start the beginning of this new year has been for me. Who would've thought I'd spend New Year's Day traveling through the whole state of Utah visiting all of the people I was supposed to before Jess and I got caught in that crazy snowstorm (I'll save that story for later). Anyway, I'm grateful for the start of a new year to also work on a new me.

We always talk about New Year's Resolutions and how most people, as they grow older, stop making them because they feel like by the end of January there's not going to be a point to them anymore, etc. etc. I think that kind of attitude is probably why people don't really accomplish them in the first place, you know? The only way you're going to be doomed for failure is if you don't even try. With that in mind, I think it's important that we all change our attitudes about goal setting and accomplishing those goals and dreams, before we can ever actually motivate ourselves to do them.

The first time I ever sat down and contemplated the things I wanted to change about myself or my behavior, and actually took the time to write them down afterward, was on my mission. I know that there are a lot of reasons why Heavenly Father needed me to serve a mission, but one of the absolute biggest ones, was He needed me to change. The goals that I set were a lot more mission-minded, obviously, but that doesn't deter from the fact that they were all things that I needed to realize and change about myself. 

Since coming home I've set a few goals, but have not been super good about writing them down or actually following through with them, which has been a little diappointing. For those of you that regularly read my blog, you remember how incredibly busy I was last semester, sometimes so much so that it was just plain overwhelming. I think that being busy doesn't always mean we're accomplishing something worthwhile. Heavenly Father never intended for us to be so busy that we never have time for Him. Luckily I was able to figure that out soon enough to make reading my scriptures a priority, even if it was at 6 in the morning. He blesses us for the little sacrifices we make in His behalf, or in other words, in order to keep His commandments. 

Since coming back up to Rexburg this semester, I have moved into a new apartment with Jessica and 3 other roommates, I have my own room, and I have received the calling of FHE group leader for my apartment, along with one from the guys, and one from the other girls' apartment. This semester I am off track and have pretty much the entire morning to myself before I go to work. It's been nice to relax a little, especially after last semester, but I've also been able to accomplish a lot of goals, which is making me really happy. And since I haven't written down yet what my goals are I guess I'll just list them right here:

1. Be Healthier

>Excercise Mon-Sat for at least 30 mins

>Cut down portion size

>Drink more water

>Lessen snacks/no junk food

>Prepare to enter a 5k by the end of this year

2. Become More Spiritual

>Read and study my scriptures for at least 30 mins per day

>Study upcoming lessons

>Incorporate Preach My Gospel

>Attend the temple at least once a week

>Apply to become a temple worker

>Follow promptings

>Attend institute

3. Become More Service Oriented

>Pray for service opportunities

>Actively search out opportunities to serve others

>Make visiting teaching more than just a thing to check off

>Follow every prompting

>Go above and beyond at work

4. Become a Better Me

>Read my scriptures every day to be in a good mood

>Study the Christlike attributes and pick one a week to work on

>Practice/Excercise my talents 

-Piano

-Singing

-Public speaking

-Blog writing

>Help out around the apartment/help my roommates

>Surrond myself with positive and uplifting things and people

Those are the main focuses this year with the ideas of how I am going to accomplish them. They're not going to be easy, but it's definitely possible. And with God's help, they're nearly non impossible. It's fantastic. This year is the year to apply everything that He had me learn on my mission, and to really, actively focus on allowing me to become the best me I can possibly be. The Lord has a plan for me, and although, at times, ok, most of the time, I don't know what that plan is or what He has in store for me now, I know that it's important to keep on keeping on. In other words, I need to keep trusting in Him and put Him first in all things I do. I know if I do this that His promises will be fulfilled. I don't know when, and although I want them to happen now, I understand that God's timing is everything, and I need to just keep doing what He's asked of me. 

I have an interview this Tues. with the temple presidency to become an ordinance worker. I started feeling that that was something I needed to do towards the end of last semester, especially being off track this sesmester. I felt more strongly about it when I attended Stake Conference and one of the counselors in the temple presidency encouraged all of us that were endowed to volunteer or become ordinance workers. I told my parents that as soon as I got back up here I would schedule an interview with my bishop. Then when I received my father's blessing before leaving to come back up here, I was once again reminded of working there. As soon as I talked to him he was more than happy to help. He interviewed me, sent me to the stake presidency's office, and submitted the application right away. I hadn't heard anything until last night when they called me to schedule my interview with them. I cannot even begin to express how excited I am that this is actually happening. It's something that I have felt strongly that I need to do, and I can't express my gratitude enough that God has helped me to be worthy and ready to follow another call to serve. I can't wait to be able to serve in the House of the Lord.