So it's been a while since I've updated this thing. I've thought about it, put it on my to do lists, moved it to the last priority on my to do list, and have gotten so caught up in other things that I think three weeks have just come and gone, and here you are, my dear readers, just waiting for the update. So please accept my apology and recognize that I really do try to make this a priority, and I really think about things that are happening in my life, or things I've learned that I should share that I feel like could help you.
These past couple of weeks have been wonderful and busy, and just crazy. I never would've imagined being so busy when I'm just working and not even going to school, but you know when you're trying to take over the world and make a difference, I guess you don't really have tons of time to relax. I took on another job, as most of you, but this isn't the paying kind. I now work every Saturday at the Rexburg temple from 5-9:45 am. I'm not going to lie, it has been a struggle dragging myself out of bed at 4 in the morning, but it has also been such a wonderful experience and I've only been twice! I can't even begin to describe how happy I am and how amazed I am at how happy I am at that time in the morning! There are so many amazing people that I have met and that I also work with, and I just love the environment. The temple truly is the house of God. It's incredible the peace and serenity you feel just by walking through the doors. I love it so much.
Aside from working at the temple, Jess and I also went home last weekend to witness and celebrate our baby sister's baptism. I just can't believe that Sierra has grown up so fast. I made a slideshow for the luncheon and was just blown away at how much she has changed. I feel like she changed drastically while I was on my mission, which was hard for me, but she truly is becoming such an amazing little girl. I am blessed by her example, she is truly incredible. And that beautiful little 8 year old's best friend is not a member, and she came with her non member classmate's mom. She's already such a little missionary- I love it!
The whole weekend was just wonderful and was filled with so much family and friends that I just couldn't help but take a step back and really soak in how blessed I am. There have been so many times in the last couple of months where I have felt so inadequate or unworthy of God's blessings, for whatever reason. I felt that He was displeased with me, or felt like I wasn't doing enough and that's why He wasn't blessing me with the things I thought He should. Honestly, I thought that for sure by now I should at least be in a relationship with someone. But because of reasons even I couldn't come up with, I felt that God didn't think I was righteous or worthy enough, or that He was testing me and that this was the trial I needed to experience in my life right now.
I have since come to realize that none of those things are true, but that it's extremely important to trust in not only Him, but in His timing. I read an entry on Al Fox's blog earlier that put great perspective into what I was gaining from these thoughts and experiences.
She said, "You will be blessed with a companion that will help you in the ways you need, even if sometimes you feel like they don't exist, or that you're asking for too much or you're too picky. Don't let passing time allow doubts and settling to take over. Don't lose patience and miss out on what He has in store for you. Don't hold yourself back from learning and growing and experiencing other things. Just hold on and don't lose confidence. Heavenly Father knows what’s important to us and what we need.
Those who are single, don’t waste your thoughts comparing yourself and defining yourself by what you aren’t and what others are. Don’t allow yourself to question what is “wrong with you.” Heavenly Father did not shortchange or screw up on you. Don't stress. You just worry about you and worry about God. Because the thing about Heavenly Father is that if we are trying and are patient, we will never be short-changed from the best blessings He has to offer.
Yeah, sure our future can be uncertain at times, but how exciting that is! How exciting it is to know it's guided by God! (alfoxshead.blogspot)"
It struck a deep chord with me, and helped me put my thoughts in words. I'm going to "doubt my doubts before I doubt my faith", as Pres. Uchtdorf said. I am worthy, I am enough, I am patient, and kind, and loving, especially when waiting on the Lord. His plan is much better than mine. He has much more in store for me than I could ever imagine or dream of. I don't know what it is yet, or when it will happen, but I know they will because I know my Father and He always keeps His promises. It doesn't matter if it's about marriage, or school, or a mission, there will come a time when we will have to fully trust in Him and His timing; a time when we will have to remind ourselves that He will fulfill His promises. But I promise you that no matter what comes your way, you are worthy, you are righteous, and you are worth it!
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