Blake’s Birth Story

Our little Blakey has been with us 4 weeks now and what a sweet, sweet baby he is. Isaac is absolutely in love with his baby brother, and affectionately refers to him as “brother” or “his baby.” We’ve been corrected when we’ve called him by his name and have been shushed or told “NO,” when we go to pick him up. If it’s not obvious enough, Blake will be sure to have a protective older brother. 

Blake’s pregnancy was a lot different than Isaac’s. I experienced a lot more nausea than the first time around, which only Gatorade (preferably light blue), seemed to subdue, at least partially. Cravings were basically all things sweet just like with Isaac; mostly chocolate, especially Reese’s and chocolate milk. I also carried him a lot lower, which made me feel like I started showing much sooner, but to other people I didn’t look as far along as I was. Carrying him lower meant not having nerve pain in my ribs, which was great, but it brought a whole lot of pelvic pain. I also had round ligament pain, which is probably one of the worst pains I’ve ever experienced. 

As most of you know, we weren’t sure he was going to make it full term because of the hiccup we had when I was 35 weeks. Catching  the stomach flu wrecked havoc on my body and I had to go to the hospital to be monitored after bleeding and having some contractions. It made me so nervous that he wasn’t going to hold on, but our little guy stayed put! Since he was smaller than Isaac at birth anyway, I bet he would have been so much smaller if he came 4 weeks earlier, which could have resulted in NICU time. I’m thankful for all the small miracles and blessings that took place throughout my pregnancy to get him here safely. 

But man, what a day we picked for Blake to come into this world! The Corona Virus (COVID-19) was just barely becoming more prevalent in the US. Schools were still in session, businesses were still functioning like normal, but the topic of the virus was a constant center of communication. In the 12 hours I was in labor there were significant changes to life as we know it. My mom almost didn’t come for Blake’s birth for fear of possibly spreading the virus since symptoms don’t manifest right away. Thankfully she came anyway and I’m so grateful for that. But as they sat there receiving update after update, regarding schools closing and church closing, the reality started to sink in that this was a lot more serious of a thing than we originally thought. 

The morning of March 12th, Austin, my mom, Isaac, and I got up early and prepared everything to go to the hospital. We dropped Isaac off at my in laws and headed in. When we arrived at the entrance we were stopped by someone asking if any of us had any flu like symptoms in the last week. Then we made our way to Labor and Delivery. The night before, when the hospital had called to confirm my induction, they told me we couldn’t have visitors under 18, but siblings could still come. However, as we were checking in that morning, they informed us that they had changed it that day to no visitors under 18 period. Even with understanding the reasoning, it was sad to let go of the idea of the boys meeting each other at the hospital and having that first picture as a family of 4 there. 

We arrived just after 7:15 that morning and shortly after that I was hooked up to an IV and the Pitocin was started. Austin and my mom settled in to make themselves as comfortable as possible. The nurse anesthetist, who actually happened to be someone from our ward, Brad Beckstead, came in a little bit later to discuss the process of the epidural and to have me fill out the forms. I wanted to hold on and push myself a little before getting the epidural because I told him I didn’t want him to come back to church and tell everyone I was a wussy. Haha But really I didn’t care too much about what anyone thought because I knew I wanted the epidural, I just wanted to see what my pain tolerance was. So he told me to let him know when I wanted it and left. Ressia, my nurse, told me that they had contacted Dr. Adams and he was going to come later to check me and break my water.  

Every 15 minutes Ressia would up my pitocin 2 going from 0 to 20. As the morning progressed I started to feel the contractions off and on, but nothing too crazy. Around 10:30-11 my mother in law Karen came to join the campout. Dr. Adams came in sometime that morning to check me and break my water, but after checking how dilated I was he said I would need to progress a bit more before he wanted to break my water. He told me he thought I probably wouldn’t deliver before 5, but if I could get him out of the office to deliver he would get me something. I told him I like cheesecake 😏 Another funny thing to note, with Isaac I was allowed to drink and have ice chips. However, Dr. Adams gives the nurses strict orders to only let his patients have ice chips. You can bet he got an earful from me! I jokingly told him I wasn’t going to pee on him and his reply was that he wasn’t worried about that- he didn’t want to be puked on. Karen and I stuck it to the man though because she brought me a water bottle. Haha, she worked with Dr. Adams many times over the last 5-6 years as a labor and delivery nurse, so we had a good time messing with him. I only took a few sips and didn’t puke on him, so don’t worry. 

Between 11 am and 12 noon the contractions started to get a little more intense so I said I wanted to make it to noon and then I would ask for an epidural. Apparently Ressia has mentioned to Brad that I was feeling about ready for the epidural because right about noon he came in, cart ready for me. Haha I may have only been at a 4 at that point, but the pit was pumping. And I felt completely justified in my decision 😜 the epidural didn’t take long to place and get set up and I soon started to feel the familiar tingling sensation. This time around I was able to move my feet and legs enough to make myself comfortable, which was a drastic difference from the complete dead weight from the waist down that I experienced with Isaac. After that I was feeling pretty good and was able to doze off here and there. 

Two hours after getting my epidural they checked me again and I was still at a 4 and 70% effaced. This was discouraging for because I really wanted to have him in the afternoon instead of late at night like Isaac. I was feeling fine, occasionally I had chills off and on that caused me to shudder, but my body was taking it pretty good. I started to feel more pressure down at the cervix though and knew he was prepping to come out. Sometime around this time they also broke my water. I should have taken better notes 😜 also, another interesting thing that happened this time around was extreme itchiness! Every square inch of my body that I could feel at that point made me so itchy I wanted to crawl out of my skin. It was nuts! Eventually I was given Benadryl which helped a little bit, but also made me really sleepy. 

Finally around 5 pm I had progressed to a 6 and my new nurse, Denice, thought he would be coming soon. I posted on my Instagram stories that I was ready for him to come so I could snuggle him and eat! Priorities 😂 Dr. Adams came back in around 6 pm to double check where I was at. He went to check me, turned to the nurse and asked what she said I was at again. When she said a 6 or 7 he said, “Oh no, she’s about a 4.” I literally was about to lose my crap when he cracked a smile, chuckled and said, “You should have seen your faces”! 😠 so not funny! I told him he was lucky I couldn’t kick him! He said he was going to go over and check on a patient at Mt. View and then he’d be back because he didn’t think it would be much longer. 

Around 6:30 pm they checked me again and I was at a 9+!! This baby was coming!

Dr. Adams hadn’t even left the hospital yet and wasn’t going to after all. By about 6:45 pm they had everything ready to go and it was time to push! The best thing about having a great epidural was being able to feel the pressure of the contractions and knowing when to push. After about 15-20 mins our sweet baby boy entered the world! He was here!!

Blake Glenn Blatter was born at 7:09 pm weighing 7 lbs 7 oz and was 21 inches long. I was shocked that he was so little!! I knew he was tall, but I had no idea he would weigh almost a pound less than Isaac. And he had beautiful dirty blond hair. He was absolutely precious and so handsome 😍 

As a nurse was getting ready to hand him to me he pooped- typical Blatter boy. Once he was cleaned up they handed him to me for skin to skin. I hadn’t cried up to this point but holding him and recognizing that I finally had him in my arms safe and healthy was so special. He kept making the funniest faces, like a grumpy old man, and would only open his left eye. I noticed that he seemed to be breathing weird though so they checked him out and sure enough he had fluid in his lungs. They weighed him and measured him and had some NICU staff check on him to make sure he was good to go. Dr. Adams stitched me up in no time from tearing while all of this was going on. Eventually they gave Blake the all clear and he got to be held by his daddy and nanas. I’m so grateful they all got to be there and to have their wonderful support! It meant the world to me that I wasn’t forced to do it all alone. 

Karen headed out first to go relieve Mark, my father in law, until Austin could come get Isaac. Austin grabbed me a bagel sandwich from a shop at the hospital and I swear that was the best sandwich I’ve ever had! Haha Within a couple of hours of giving birth I was up and had been moved to a recovery room. Just before 10 pm Austin and my mom headed home to pickup Isaac and get some rest, leaving little B and I to ourselves. We had a great nurse, Jazmin, who made sure to get me set on some meds and attend to our needs. 

Blake and I just got to snuggle and hang out for a while. He seemed so chill and so little All of my other siblings and my dad has gotten to see Blake over FaceTime, but my brother wasn’t home from his spring break so I waited until he made it and we got to chat for a bit. That was really cool. Just after midnight I asked Jazmin to take Blake to the nursery so I could get a couple of hours of sleep uninterrupted. I woke up about every hour but was about to settle back to sleep. By about 5:30 am I wanted my baby back so Jazmin went and got him for me. I wasn’t really able to sleep much beyond that, to be honest. I remember getting really hungry though and breakfast wasn’t until like 8:30 so Jazmin brought me some yogurt to get by. Haha it was around 6 or so that my pain really started to peak. And around 6:45 I was able to get some heavier drugs (I get that it’s not for everyone, but I’m all about taking the drugs when I need them). 

I met my other nurses, Janelle and Brighton, a couple of hours later. Brighton was in her last week of orientation so Janelle was just overseeing Brighton’s work. Both were extremely sweet and wonderful to have. They were very attentive and listened to what I wanted, which was really refreshing. They took Blake out for me while I showered and did all of his vitals then. 

Austin took Isaac and helped out his dad in the morning and then left him with my mom when he came later. Besides that I mostly just hung out with Blake and did the routine paperwork and check ups. Our friend Lexie came to visit for a little bit, which was really fun. We were really hoping they would discharge us that night so the boys could meet and I could sleep in my own bed so we were just waiting on Blake’s pediatrician and for the 24 hours to be up so Blake could get his final check up. Austin left to go get my meds from the pharmacy and my mom and Isaac so they could be in the car when we got discharged. 

Finally around 10 pm we were able to break out! Seeing Isaac recognize who Blake was incredibly heart warming and one of my favorite moments. Isaac was infatuated with him and as soon as we got home tried to pull him out of his car seat. He was so excited to hold him and even if he didn’t know his name, he knew he was brother and that’s all that mattered. My heart was full ❤️ 

In the days that followed more craziness ensued outside in the world, but there was so much happiness and love here. Some of our sweet friends, Bekah and Garrett, came over to meet Blake. My dad was also able to fly in for about 24 hours and meet him before flying home with my mom. That meant so much to me that that was even possible. After my parents left we had delicious meals provided by the Stuart’s and our sweet friends the Dykes and Scoresbys. Our neighbor and friend Laura brought over the cutest outfit and met him. 

In the weeks that have followed we have since been put on a stay at home order to flatten the curve of the corona virus spreading. We’ve only left the house for Doctor’s appointments or to take a walk. Speaking of doctors, Blake’s pediatrician did discover a tongue tie that has since been clipped and seems to be helping him eat a little better. He also has acid reflux so he’s on meds for that. He still spits up quite a bit, but seems to be taking more in so hopefully he’ll start gaining more weight to be at a healthy one.

It’s been hard not being able to celebrate with more friends and family and to postpone his blessing, but the amount of love and support hasn’t been stopped. It’s crazy to watch the world slow down at the same time you do. The adjustment hasn’t been the easiest by any means, but I’m so grateful to have this time, in this unique circumstance, to spend with my sweet family. The Lord has truly blessed us and I am eternally grateful and humbled to have been entrusted with another sweet spirit of our Heavenly Father’s. 

What Motherhood has Taught Me About Charity

I think it's safe to say that a lot of you will have a good guess what I'm going to say on this subject- that through becoming a mother I've learned what it means to love unconditionally. And while that is true, it's so much more than that. 

Watching your body change as this little being grows inside of you for 9 months is a little surreal. For the first time in my life I was so proud of my body and its capabilities. I've never been one for sports or for being active, really, and my body has taken a toll because of it. Before I got pregnant with Isaac, I was in, what I considered, the best shape of my life, and was confident in my skin. And when I found out I was pregnant, the excitement and anticipation of carrying our little one and giving them life made me comfortable, and even at ease with all of the changes and my ever growing bump. I loved knowing that I was the means of bringing this sweet baby into the world. 

And then he was here. And the huge bump deflated a bit, then the swelling went down, I almost immediately lost about half the weight I had gained, but then I was left with this new body that I didn't love anymore. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of my tiger stripes (stretch marks) and the significance behind them, but that doesn't make them pretty. And they sure don't make me feel sexy. As expected, I gradually started gaining weight again as I was doing nothing to keep it off and now I'm left with this body that represents all the willing sacrifice, but will forever be changed because of it. 

Now I'm not saying that it's a hopeless cause and that I'm not going to work towards getting my body back to where I want it to be, but no matter what I do there will always be remnants of everything my body endured. Because of my sweet baby, my body is forever changed. 

I remember just crying when we found out we were pregnant, partially out of slight fear and anticipation, and mostly because of excitement, of course. From that moment on I've felt this strong push to be a better person and to be a more faithful disciple of Christ. More than ever before, I feel this desire to stop making excuses because someone is counting on me. 

If you know me well you know I always have the best intentions, but that doesn't mean they're well excuted. I get distracted easily and sometimes have a hard time staying motivated. It's something that I pray for and seek Heavenly Father's assistance on daily. I want to be the best mom for my son! I want to be the best wife for my husband! I want to be a good role model and example of what it means to be a disciple of Christ. Yet, I fall short every single day, but because of my son I want to be the best possible version of me even if that means starting over every single day. I utilize the Atonement more because I understand better how crucial it is in my need to become better. Because of my sweet baby, my desire to continually become better is forever changed. 

When Austin and I started dating I knew pretty quickly that I was in love with him. I attributed that to the fact that I had fallen in love before and so I knew what it felt like. I knew that I wanted to be with him forever, through all the good and bad times. We've experienced quite a lot together over the last two years and we've grown immensely because of it. Through the process we've also seen our love grow deeper and more complex for one another. And in the last year I've watched that love stretch to whole new heights as we've prepared for and welcomed Isaac into our lives and hearts. I thought I knew love, but until Isaac was born I knew nothing. That's not to diminish or discount the love that Austin and I for one another. Watching him become a dad and love this little being that we've created together has been an experience all its own. However, meeting Isaac for the first time unlocked unopened crevices in my heart I never knew existed. 

I knew I loved our baby from the moment we found out about them. That love grew with each kick, nudge, punch, and movement, no matter how painful. But holding Isaac in my arms after 18 hours of labor put feelings into my heart and soul that are difficult for me to put into words. I knew in that instant that regardless of the choices he makes in his life, I will love him. Regardless of whether he still loves me in 16 years, or 25, or 40, I will always love him. 

And it made me wonder, do I feel that way towards others? My friends? My family? Austin? If they were to say or do something that hurt me to my very core, would I still love them? Would I still want what's best for them? And what if it's not something major, what if they make me feel bad about myself or hurt my feelings? Do I extend love towards them in return or do I write them off? 

I recently was talking to a dear friend who had been broken up with after almost 10 years with her boyfriend. She had obviously planned and hoped for a future and a family with this man, but that all came to a halting stop. After about a year, you know what she said to me? She said that she still loves him with all her heart and wishes nothing, but the best for him. She wants him to find someone and be happy. If that isn't unconditional love, I don't know what is.

In the process of becoming a mom, I've not only felt what it means to have unconditional love towards someone, but I've learned that it can't just apply to the one person I've sacrificed everything for. And not to mention, if sacrifice is one of the reasons why I feel so closely connected to my son, maybe that means I ought to sacrifice a little more for my spouse, and for our families and friends, don't you think? I mean if we truly believe we're all brothers and sisters then maybe that means we need to focus a little more on sacrificing ourselves for our family (which is everyone!), and worry less about ourselves. 

Please do not misunderstand me here, parenting is probably the biggest sacrifice of all, giving of ourselves with absolutely no time limit or amount. But I know I could do a little better reaching out to others and sacrificing my tv time after work to check up on people or clean my house so my husband doesn't have to worry about it while taking care of Isaac or after work. There are things we can do every day that don't even involve leaving the house, which on days when I'm exhausted after being up all night with Isaac, working for 5 hours, coming home to take care of him, and then taking care of everything else at home after putting him to sleep, can be a game changer! Because of my sweet boy, my capacity to and understand what unconditional love truly means, is forever changed. 

To all of you out there who are pregnant or have your little ones here already, to those who have a desire to one day become pregnant and have children, or to those who have struggled with infertility or the loss of a child, my heart goes out to you. We all sacrifice and struggle in our own ways, you are not alone. Your children will be incredibly blessed because of your willingness to sacrifice for them. Charity, the pure, unconditional love of Christ, can be found in each of us. I needed to become a mother to learn these lessons, but the capacity to learn them is given to anyone who earnestly seeks it. I pray you find comfort and peace, regardless of the circumstances you are currently in. The Lord is on our side. "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not (D&C 6:36)." ❤️

5 Dating Tips

Have you guys ever felt like every day of the week was Monday all over again? Man, this is Monday #3 for me and I am hoping tomorrow at least feels like a Tuesday. I apologize to all of you that have been anxiously awaiting this blog. I can honestly say that the last two weeks have kicked my butt more than I expected, but I'm determined to not make you wait any longer.

I recently polled on Instagram whether or not people would be interested in reading a blog post concerning dating and marriage based off of things I've learned in my major and my own marriage. The answer was pleasantly surprising to me as it was unanimously yes. There are so many things I could say, but I think I'll start small (for me) and give some tips for dating and then marriage soon that are both built on fundamentals I've learned from school and through my own experiences. I hope to add more posts here in the near future, but I wanted to start a little broad with 5 tips for dating.



DATING
1. Follow The RAM
Most of what I will be referring to is based off of psychologist, Dr. John Van Epp's research and evidence-based relationship programs. I'll refer a lot to the RAM, otherwise known as the Relationship Attachment Model. Basically long story short, there's 5 parts to the RAM, and in dating the RAM should look like this with each one being lower than the one before.


That means you should know the person you're dating more than you trust them and so on with touch being the last that follows, hopefully for obvious reasons. The way that Dr. Van Epp puts it is that this allows you to "follow your heart without losing your head," and honestly it's genius. I know so many people, including myself, that would have handled my relationships so much differently had I known this. The RAM enables each of you that are dating to healthily progress through your relationship without getting too physical, too fast, which can be very dangerous. Touching too soon in a relationship can lead to a false sense of commitment. If you do not see a future with the person you are dating, please for all that is good in the world, DO NOT HOLD HIS/HER HAND, KISS HIM/HER, *MAKEOUT WITH HIM/HER, ETC. That is what is referred to as "leading them on," and frankly, it's downright disrespectful. Please have respect for other individuals as you navigate through the dating scene. *This most definitely counts as having NCMOs

 Utilizing what's known as the Three T's: Talk, time, togetherness- will give ample opportunity to apply the RAM in your relationships. When you're spending time together talking you get to know each other better and that helps you trust one another more. When you trust one another you learn to rely on one another. And through those steps your commitment to each other continually grows. You're  on the same page and that's when naturally holding hands and kissing should take place in a relationship.

**A helpful tip for those that have roommates that are going on dates: instead of asking about the physical nature of the date, ask what they did, and/or what your roommate thinks of the individual. Sometimes we're so focused on whether they held hands or kissed that they themselves get wrapped up in measuring how well the date went with what physical thing they did to show them they had a good time.

2.  Timing is Your Own
Dating is such an important time to learn about each other and how each of you react in certain situations. Attending BYU-I it's easy to realize pretty quick that so many students feel the need to put labels on things and DTR (determine the relationship) because of the track system very early on in their relationship. I know from experience, my own and my friends', that sometimes it's hard to see beyond the end of the semester. But whether you attend BYU-I or another university or are even in a completely different stage of life, you do not need to feel rushed by anything. The timing in your relationship is your own. Some people feel that they need a lot of time to learn about one another and let their relationship grow during that stage, and that's great! Others don't need as much time, and that's also great! Don't let anyone's time table effect the way that you treat your relationship. If you need to slow things down and take it day by day, go for it! If you are both in the same place where you feel comfortable and confident moving at the pace that you are, that's fantastic! There's an acronym that Dr. Van Epp uses for pace, it's

P: Participate
A: Anticipate
C: Cooperate
E: Evaluate


There will be many success and horror stories all around you. People will offer advice both solicited and not. If you're the religious type than seek God's counsel during this time, but honestly, besides that, you have my permission to disregard what anybody else has to say. In the Book of Mormon 2 Nephi 28:30 it refers to learning "line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little," and that principle applies really well to relationships. Dr. Van Epp and his daughter, Morgan Cutlip suggest what's known as the 90 Day Probation. According to Dr. Cutlip, The 90-day probation period states that for the first 90-days it is important to conservatively pace your relationship (aka, set some stinkin boundaries) because, most often, problematic patterns will start to emerge around the third month." She then continues, "Time will allow for your partner to become more comfortable and less guarded so that behaviors that were previously suppressed will come to the surface.

Once you’ve given the relationship some time, then patterns will emerge that will allow you to decide whether or not you want to invest more in your relationship."

Those of you that know Austin and I know that our relationship didn't quite fit into this 90 day probation period. We were engaged about 2 1/2 months after we started dating and were married about 2 1/2 months after that. Although I firmly believe that the timing was right for us, I will admit that we have had to learn a lot about each other while being married and that has created some tough situations and conversations. Continually dating your spouse is important. You will forever be learning new things about each other, even if they are very little, because each of you will change over the years as your progress through life. But while dating, please make sure the hard conversations happen. Put yourselves in situations where your true selves can come out and then ask yourself, "Is this something that I'm comfortable living with for the rest of my life?" 

3. Learn to Recognize Your Compatibility

What I just mentioned goes hand in hand with this next tip. You know the phrase, "Opposites attract"? Well that's not actually true. You might like someone that has an opposite opinion than you about something, but generally speaking, you are not going to date and therefore marry someone who is the complete opposite of you, and for good reason. You would probably drive each other absolutely crazy. Compatibility is important in a relationship because you want to enjoy doing the same things and have similar values and morals. Dr. Cutlip wrote, "Everyone should know about this one. Think about values, beliefs, lifestyle and personality. Also, not just what is similar but how your differences fit together. Do they make each of you better? or worse?" (Btw, check out her dating tips at https://www.mylovethinks.com/dating-tips/ ...their whole website is fire!) 

Does that mean that you have to have the exact same opinion about everything? Absolutely not! Honestly, it can be really healthy for your relationship if your opinions slightly differ because then you can help each other see a different point of view. Picture your compatibility as if it were on a scale. 

If you really enjoy doing something, say hiking for example, let's say you enjoy it at about an 8, but your partner doesn't really like it at all at a 2, would you be happy if your partner never wanted to go hiking or they did go with you, doesn't really enjoy themselves? Don't get me wrong, you and your future spouse will probably end up doing things you don't really enjoy, but wouldn't you want to know those things ahead of time or better yet, if there's something really important to you, wouldn't you want someone that feels the same way too? Dating is the perfect time to assess the things that are really important to you in a future spouse and the things that you can compromise on or do without. 

One thing that I thought was really cool when we were dating was how often Austin wanted to include our friends in the things we were doing. Sure we went on our own dates, but he felt it was really important that we stay close to our friends. I loved this because my friends were and are so important to me, and this helped us become friends with our significant other's friends too. This made it so much easier to continue those relationships after we got married still until this day. Friends were a big thing for the both of us and that has made a huge difference in our lives. 

4. The Myth of Soulmates

Another myth I'm going to dispel right now is that of soulmates. We've all heard the idea of a soulmate, the one person out of the hundred of billions of people on this earth, that was made just for you and is absolutely perfect for you. Sorry to burst your bubble, friends, but that's simply false. There is no such person. Because first of all, there's not one single perfect person that lives on this earth, and second, but there's not one single perfect person for it. In fact, you could live a wonderful, happy life with a bunch of different people (although I don't recommend trying it all at one time). There could be a number of reasons why you choose to end a relationship, but if you're like me and ever considered marrying more than one person (again, not at the same time), then you know that it's possible to love more than person and think that you could have a lasting and fulfilling relationship with them. There is danger in thinking there is a such thing as soulmates because if you believe there is only one right person for you and then all the sudden it doesn't work out, you're going to think it's impossible to ever find someone as good or even better. You will set yourself up to be disappointed. Or on the other hand, you'll arise at a problem and think that because this isn't as wonderful and as blissful as you thought that it must be then that means this person isn't your soulmate and you could possibly end a really good relationship that had a possibility of being great if you'd just put the time and effort into it.

The truth is marriage is hard work. Are there times when it is better than you could've possibly imagined? Of course! But marriage is the union of two people joining together literally everything, their lives, their finances, their living space, their bodies, their whole worlds, and that involves serious work. Your spouse can be everything you ever hoped for, but the truth of the matter is that there will be days despite how much you love them, that you really don't like them. And there will be times when you cry or are hurt because your spouse said or did something that hurt you like never before. Why is that? Because marriage is the ultimate vessel of vulnerability, and that can be both exciting and absolutely terrifying. However, that vulnerability creates such a strong, incredible bond when acted upon appropriately. Guys, being married to your best friend is the greatest thing ever, but in order to be successful, you need to be realistic. Neither one of you are perfect and if you recognize that while dating and look for the strengths that they have, and evaluate whether or not their weakness are ones that you can live with and help them strengthen, you will not have unrealistic expectations going into marriage and THAT WILL SAVE YOU SO MUCH GRIEF IN THE LONG RUN. 

5. Love Yourself First

I'm sure most of you have heard this one before, but that's because it's so crucial to a healthy relationship. I'm sorry if I'm like too blunt, but some of the things that I've written I really wish someone had been straight with me before and just told me, so I hope I can be that person for some of you. NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY. That may sound terrible, but it's true. Hear me out. If you base your happiness on the actions, attitude, behavior, etc. of someone else, you will be sorely disappointed. Your happiness needs to come from a place where it is not dependent on what anyone else does. You need to be happy in your circumstances meaning that it is who you are and not what you are, and I think a large part of that comes from loving yourself and being confident in who you are. If I'm happy that means that I don't need my husband to compliment me every day in order to feel good about myself. It means that I don't feel sad or unloved unless he brings home flowers or cleans the whole house. Do those things make me feel good? Sure they do! But I don't need those things in order to feel happy about the life I live. 

In our relationships it's important that we don't let our perception cloud our judgement. Especially in dating, don't compare the way your significant other express their appreciation or love for you to your friend or roommate. This can cause unrealistic expectations and your perception of how they feel about you to become completely compromised. Each person expresses their feelings in a different way. You can save yourself from a lot of heartache if you don't depend on others to be happy or feel loved.

Isaac's Birth Story

I am so sorry for those who have been waiting to read this. I honestly think about finishing it every single day and each day passes without it being done. Over and over. I can't believe it's already been three weeks since my beautiful, sweet boy was born. Our home is filled with so much love and happiness, amidst all the tears. I can't believe I've lived this long without Isaac in my life. In his short life so far he has changed me, given me purpose, and altered my entire perspective on life. I love him with my whole heart and soul. If this is even a glimpse of what our Father in Heaven feels for us, I cannot even begin to fathom the kind of unconditional love that He must have for us.

My whole pregnancy passed by in a blur of excitement and changes. It seemed like 9 months had never gone by so fast, at least until the last two weeks or so. Everyone had always told me the last trimester lasted as long as the whole pregnancy, but for me it all went by really quick until I hit about 38 weeks. I felt a change in my energy levels decrease, an urgency in my desire to get my body back, and an overall unshakable anticipation regarding the unforeseeable near future events that would take place. Our goal was to make it to the new year in hopes that we would qualify for paid maternity leave through my work, but we had no idea if we would make it, and when he would actually make his grand entrance. We had a minor hiccup only the Thursday before the new year when we went to the doctor for my 39 week checkup and my blood pressure was high. Dr. Asay was concerned and wanted to have it tested again, along with some blood work. We ended up "passing" and were able to go home with strict orders to take it easy, and I honestly believe it if my bp hadn't have gone down we would have been sent to the hospital that night. At that appointment we scheduled to meet again on the 3rd if he hadn't decided to come by then. We also talked about possible induction dates, which at that time would have been the 6th or 7th, but that would all be decided on the 3rd.

New Years Eve we waited in anticipation as we hung out with Austin's family, counting down the hours as we celebrated together. As soon as we made it to midnight, a sigh of relief washed over me and I felt extremely blessed. The Lord truly knew I needed the time with Isaac and we needed the financial security that the new year brought.

The next few days came and went, passing his due date on Jan. 2nd, and once again we were back in the doctor's office. I was a little anxious not knowing how far dilated I was or when to expect to be induced, but also in utter belief that we were so close to having our baby boy here. Dr. Asay checked me out again, found that I was at about 1.5 cm and then basically said, "Well, tomorrow's my induction day (each doctor in the office has a day of the week that they schedule their patient's inductions and here's was the next day), do you want to have a baby tomorrow?" Honestly, it threw me for a freaking loop. I knew we had talked about being induced that weekend, but I had no idea she was going to want to do it the next day! However, Austin and I looked at each other and nodded our heads that we did in fact want to have our baby the next day. I was in utter disbelief as we finished the paperwork and talked the plans over for the next day. Our baby boy was coming! And sooner than I thought!

We left the clinic and ran some errands and while we were out I called my mom. I told her we were having the baby the next day. They had basically been on call to head up here whenever things started to progress anyway so when my dad got home that afternoon they prepared to drive up. We completed our errands and headed home so that Austin could get ready for work. While he was at work I sat at home making sure everything was as ready as could be. I also sat in anticipation wondering and imagining what the next day would be. I had been preparing and studying, but I honestly had no idea how my body would react or what to expect since I had never had anything more than my wisdom teeth taken out. I was filled with anticipation, but also excitement.

After Austin came home from work around 11 we went to bed. We were supposed to show up at the hospital at 6 am so I set my alarm for 4:30 and tried to get some rest. However, sleep did not come easily and sometime between 2 and 3 am the pain got severe enough that I couldn't sleep anymore. I started timing the contractions and they were about a minute long and about 5-7 mins apart for a half hour. By 3:30 I was up and woke Austin up. I told him what was happening and we started getting ready to go to the hospital. Austin gave me a blessing right before we left and in it he stated that everything would be ok and that I would feel at peace. It was interesting that after all of the anticipation and apprehension leading up to giving birth that when everything actually started happening I felt extremely calm and at peace.

We arrived at the hospital around 4:45 and because I was going to be admitted at 6 anyway they just put me in a room right away and started getting everything set up. I was still in a quite a bit of pain and even though I was only at a 3 they said I could ask for an epidural at any time so I requested it and sometime after 7 the anesthesiologist finally came in. Once the epidural was in I was in pure heaven and was able to sleep. They said that since I was progressing on my own I wouldn't need any pitocin at that point. They checked me again and I was about the same so they just let it play out. Amy was my nurse and she was absolutely wonderful. Since she works the day shift she knew Austin's mom well so it was fun to talk with her with Karen there. Karen was supposed to work that day, but was put on call so she hung out with us. I slowly progressed as the day wore on so eventually they gave me some pitocin to speed up the contractions. They kept moving me from side to side, but he was being pretty stubborn and really only seemed to like it when I was simply lying on my back.

Around 1 pm my family arrived, which was awesome, but I was still only about 5 cm. We all hung out and they came and went for most of the afternoon into the evening. I was hoping for a max of 10-12 hours of labor, but 4:45 pm came and went. And by 6 pm my nurse Amy ended her shift and my night nurse Courtni showed up. Things progressed well through the next hour and they started prepping for delivery. My sisters stayed in the room behind their books and facetimed my brother. They cracked me up with their side comments and it was funny to have them there without them actually witnessing anything. Around 7:30 I was instructed to start pushing. Delivery was hard. It was painful as my epidural started to wear off right at the hardest part. Dr. Asay had a hard time getting around his head because of his thick hair. She said she had never seen that much hair on a newborn. After about an hour our baby boy finally made his entrance into the world! Isaac Layne was born at 8:46 pm weighing 8 lbs and 5 oz and measured 21 inches tall. He had the darkest hair and eyes when I first looked at it, but absolutely beautiful!

I had been so focused on my breathing and pushing that when he finally made it out and they put him on my chest, I lost it. I still tear up just thinking about it. It was such a sweet and tender moment for me. I felt like that was the moment that everything in my life led up to. In that moment I looked up at Austin and everything just felt so perfect. How had I ever lived without my sweet boys in my life? There are so many more feelings that were in my heart that are so indescribable and that are so sacred to me. Everyone had told me, but until I experienced it for myself I had no idea how it would feel. But bringing Isaac into the world alongside by best friend and love is tied for the best moment of my life with being sealed to Austin. I love our family and our sweet baby boy. He is the best thing along with his daddy that has ever happened to me. I am so blessed with the life that I have been given and I'm grateful for all the hardships, the wrong turns, the lessons learned, along with all of the blessings that have led me to exactly where I am.

It's been three weeks since my baby boy entered the world. These last three weeks have been exhausting and have stretched me in ways that I never would've imagined. I have a purpose and a new role in my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Family is What it's All About

This last weekend was absolutely incredible and I just felt the need to put it all down in this way. Austin, Madi and I were able to drive down to Vegas to be with my sister as she went to the temple to receive her endowments, and have a baby shower for our baby boy. Thankfully the drive was uneventful and we were able to make it early enough on Friday afternoon to spend time with my parents, Jess, Joce, Sierra, and my uncle Alan and his family. It was so fun just hanging out and playing Rock Band, BBQing, swimming and just spending time together. I absolutely cherish the time that we get to spend making fun memories like that. 

Saturday morning we went to the Las Vegas temple for Jessica. Austin and I went early with my parents and Jess, and I used Joce's camera to capture some of the scenery and the temple grounds. It was so fun just being there on the grounds and watching people come in and out of the temple. There were so many weddings happening and there were tons of little kids all dressed up in the waiting room. The cutest little boy that was wearing shorts, suspenders, and a bow tie came up to Austin and started talking to him. We have no idea what he said, but it was the sweetest thing and it just made us that much more excited to dress our little guy up eventually.

Once everyone made it to the temple we went back to change. It was incredible walking into the chapel and seeing so much family there to celebrate Jess and her decision. It was also really neat having my dad's parents there as they are currently serving a mission in Cove Fort, UT and had to receive permission to be there. I love watching the relationship between my dad and his dad. They're such jokesters and were bantering back and forth all the way up the stairs, and were even making faces at me and Jess later in the session. I seriously love them so much. 

One thing that was also really cool for me was looking over at my husband that was seated next to my dad, who was next to his dad, thinking of my little baby boy, and having it reaffirmed to me that that's what this is life is all about. Our families, blood or not, and our relationships with them are the absolute most important thing that we have in this life. I love the belief I have that families can be together forever because in this world of turmoil, hate, chaos, and confusion what we need more than ever are strong and loving families. We need the stability not just for our well-being, but for the well-being of our communities, nations, and world. Being in the temple with my family and being reminded of those things was probably the absolute best thing that we could have done while being down there this weekend. 

After the temple we had a baby shower with our family that was there. My sisters and mom put so much time, effort and love into making it absolutely wonderful. We had a great time playing games, eating delicious snacks, and just being all together. I'm so grateful Jess was willing to let us share her day and that she was happy planning it all for us. We are so blessed to have such incredible families, I'll tell you what! This little man is already so loved and I can't wait for everyone to meet him!

As for a little BUMPDATE: 

I am officially 21 weeks today. Baby boy is as active as ever and loves to punch and kick his mommy. His new trick is kicking Mommy really hard until she does what he wants whether that's eat, move, change into looser pants, use the restroom, etc. Already running our lives and I can't even be mad about it because it's the coolest feeling in the world. This week he is the size of a carrot at about 3/4 of a pound and is about 10 1/2 inches long. Something fun I learned at the shower was that my stomach is now 38 inches around. He can recognize Mommy and Daddy now and loves to show off his kicking and punching ability for anyone who will take the time to push back. He's learning how to swallow and in the next few weeks may experience some hiccups. That'll be fun! Mommy and Daddy don't have a name picked out for him yet because they want it to be perfect, but they know they'll figure it out. Our full anatomy scan will be next week so hopefully he'll cooperate and smile pretty for us :)

After our short, but wonderful weekend we had to make the journey back to Idaho. We weren't sure what to expect with it being the Eclipse the following day so we headed back around noon on Sunday. We made pretty good time and arrived uneventfully home that night. The next morning we went to the family farm to watch the Eclipse. Honestly, we didn't get what the whole hype was about or why so many people came from all over the world to see it. However, being able to witness it in totality was the coolest thing I think I've ever witnessed in my life. Watching the sun still shine in the sky while everything else went more and more dark was nothing short than eerie, but super cool. It also dropped in temperature all within a couple of minutes time. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. It was super fun being with Ryan and Kolene's family and watching the boys get excited, but not really know what was going on. Austin's parents, his sister, and his grandparents were able to be there as well, which just made it that much more special. Austin left a little later with his grandparents in order to get ready for work, but the rest of us stayed for the rest of the day. It was nice to relax and just be on the farm with family. I think it was a day we all needed. 

Well It's About Time

Hello life update!

Holy cow, I'm ashamed that it's been as long as it has since I've written. I did start a journal this year so thankfully I do have that, but I haven't updated that in a few months either so it's about time I get my butt back in gear!

It's been 7 months since I've put anything out, which is unbelievable considering how much has happened to our little family since then. In that time we've only moved to Boise, started our jobs and lives out there, found out we were pregnant (hello big news!), moved back home to Idaho Falls and started settling back in to our lives here surrounded by family and friends. It's been a good year for us (obviously with a baby on the way), especially as we've really come closer as a couple and strengthened our relationship as we had to rely on one another without either of our families extremely close by. We really settled in to our ward in Boise while we there and made some incredible friends. Austin served in the Elder Quorum presidency and did an incredible job. We loved our ward and the memories that we made there, but when we visited our family here in Idaho Falls a few months back we both felt inspired that it was time to come home.

I was surprised that we both were pulled in that direction after feeling so strongly about moving to Boise and not being there for very long, but I know that there were experiences and relationships that needed to be gained for the both of us, even during that short time. And it's been a huge relief knowing all of the family and friend support we have here now, throughout our pregnancy, and especially when the baby comes. I knew we could handle whatever came our way out there in Boise, but it has been a calm reassurance for me in knowing that the Lord wants us to be near family and have that added support.

Speaking of babies and pregnancy, I'm sure you're all dying to know every detail about our baby.
BUMPDATE TIME: Well, at 14 almost 15 weeks I have already developed a little baby bump, but because I never feel cute enough to take a picture, and I want it to be on the actual day that it switches to the next week, I have zero baby bump pics. Don't worry, I'll swallow my pride, or actually get ready, or get over my slight need for perfection one of these days and take one. I promise. But regardless of pictures, I'm telling you right now that baby is settling right in. It's crazy to think how much I already love this little thing inside me so much, but I'm already so proud and feel so drawn to my little baby. Haha, it's really incredible what hormones can do, isn't it?

Baby Blob Blatter (or Triple B as we fondly refer to it), is currently 3.4 in, 1.5 oz and growing every day! This week baby is the size of a large lemon and I'll tell you what, is already a wiggle worm. Also, in case you're curious, so far I've gained about 6 lbs. Most importantly, however, Triple B is healthy and strong, and the doctor doesn't foresee any complications. I know that a lot of people will not appreciate this, but this pregnancy has actually been a breeze. I have felt great, and except for one expectation (that's quite a story that I'll have to share at a later time), have only experienced nausea on a few occasions and have not been sick. Besides general tiredness, the realization that none of my clothes seem to fit, and the startling fact that apparently I sunburn even easier now (Yay for red skin every time I go outside!), I've felt pretty normal. I have noticed more fatigue and achy joints since entering the second trimester, but it's nothing I can't bare, especially since I feel incredibly blessed to have not been sick at all.

One of the biggest blessings for me has been that my emotions and mood have been controllable, which is a huge relief. When I was on birth control the hormones made me into a pretty miserable person and I was nervous that when I became pregnant the same thing would happen. However, besides being even more susceptible to crying than I was before, I am my normal self, and I'm so happy about it. No crazy cravings either, but I have realized how much I love potatoes of any kind- we're already raising our little Idahoan right 😉 I occasionally think a particular food or type of food sounds really good, but it isn't paramount that I eat it.

Mostly I just feel really grateful. It's hard sometimes to feel that way when I'm still looking for a job, and seem to be hitting dead end after dead end, but I look at the wonderful family and friends I have here and all over, and I just feel so blessed. Especially in light of recent events, I think we get so caught up in the little things that sometimes we forget about the bigger ones. Our families are the most important things that we can have in this life and even though we love them, how often do we take them for granted? In a split moment anything can change. When sitting in a room surrounded and engulfed by electronics how often do we take the moment to put them away or turn them off and play a game or talk? How often do tell someone special to us that we love them? I know that until recently I would shrug off my younger siblings when they wanted to play a game thinking I was too old or cool or something for that. Yet now at 23 how could I not take the opportunity to spend time with my baby sister who just misses her big sis? It's amazing what time, maturity, and perspective can do to a person.

I'm not perfect at being present in the moment, but as I've taken more opportunities to do so I've found that they make the sweetest memories. I absolutely love taking pictures to document fun times and special moments, but thinking back on when Austin and I found out we were pregnant, I'm so grateful to look back on that and remember the raw emotion that we both felt. All without our phones or pictures or videos. That moment is one of the sweetest memories for me, especially knowing that we were both fully processing it together without me trying to shove a camera in our faces. I'm grateful for him and his excitement and support. He's going to be a great dad, and our baby is already so blessed already.

I just feel so incredibly strong about expressing how much God and Jesus Christ loves us. Even in our darkest moments, He is there. Even when no one else understands what we feel, they do. They will carry us, and will lead us through this life. And because they love us so much they've given us our families. Not everyone has the perfect family of origin, but they have the chance to create the family that they always wanted. Although our families can create the most sorrow, they can also create the most joy. And although I am just a mother to an unborn child, I can't think of anything greater than being with Austin, this baby, our future babies, and our families forever. I know that God, through Jesus Christ, has made that possible. And for that, I couldn't be more eternally grateful.

Endings and New Beginnings

I really shouldn't be taking the time to do this right now. I have 2 assignments and 3 finals left to study for, but since I got out of class 45 minutes early I guess we'll say I'm just using that time. I can't believe the end is so near.

As I sat at the luncheon for the graduates of our major today it started to hit me. Tomorrow is my last day of classes at BYU-I ever. Today and tomorrow will be the last time I see pretty much everyone I've gotten to know in the last 4 years in person. It'll be the last time I interact with my teachers. The last time I tutor. The last time I walk up and down the stairs of the Smith and the Clarke 400 times a day. It'll be the last of the "see you later"s and the first of the "goodbye"s. I may have moved a lot in my life, but I will never be good at goodbyes.

As a student you always hope and pray for the day when you'll be done. When you'll be able to walk across the stage with family and friends cheering you on for all that you've accomplished in the last 4 years and get handed that coveted diploma cover with nothing inside. But when it truly comes down to it, there is a small part of you that wants to hold on and not leave. There's something familiar and comfortable about where you're at and it's hard to let that go. But there is no growth in the comfort zone so we all need to let go eventually.

See, I think the thing that's hardest for me is that at this point Rexburg is home. Sure, my home is where my family is, but my life has been here for a long time now. Although Reno still has Rexburg beat in the longest length of time I've lived anywhere, I can honestly say I've gone through the most here.

In the time I have been here at school I have lived away from home for the first time. I have decided to serve a mission and come back. I've found my passion and switched into a major I love. I have made the best of friends, and I've lost some too. I've grown in my testimony and in my knowledge of the gospel. I've learned more about myself and the world around me than in any other circumstance or place. I found my first love and my last. I fell in love with a man who I never imagined I would find, who then asked me to marry him and I said, "Duh!" After getting engaged we planned our wedding, and found my dream dress here. We moved into our first apartment as a married couple. We made plans for the future, And now, in the same year that we got engaged and married, I will be walking at graduation and leaving this place behind. And that my friends, is why Rexburg and BYU-I will always have a special place in my heart. The most influential and important decisions of my life we prayed about and made here, in Rexburg.

As I said before, I'm no good at goodbyes. And it's true what Pres. Uchtdorf said about endings, "In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny." Endings are not our destiny.

Because in this eternal progression of life it's bittersweet to leave things and people behind, but the point isn't to see them as an end. The point is to see them as amazing opportunities that shaped us and led us to new paths. To new paths that will help us become better and to grow. Because as much as we can't grow in our comfort zone it's more important that we learn to be comfortable in our growing zone. No matter where it will take us. There's a lot still ahead for us and although sometimes that seems a little scary, it's needed and can be so wonderful. So in the spirit of new beginnings I say bring it on- the really good stuff is still to come!