Isaac's Birth Story

I am so sorry for those who have been waiting to read this. I honestly think about finishing it every single day and each day passes without it being done. Over and over. I can't believe it's already been three weeks since my beautiful, sweet boy was born. Our home is filled with so much love and happiness, amidst all the tears. I can't believe I've lived this long without Isaac in my life. In his short life so far he has changed me, given me purpose, and altered my entire perspective on life. I love him with my whole heart and soul. If this is even a glimpse of what our Father in Heaven feels for us, I cannot even begin to fathom the kind of unconditional love that He must have for us.

My whole pregnancy passed by in a blur of excitement and changes. It seemed like 9 months had never gone by so fast, at least until the last two weeks or so. Everyone had always told me the last trimester lasted as long as the whole pregnancy, but for me it all went by really quick until I hit about 38 weeks. I felt a change in my energy levels decrease, an urgency in my desire to get my body back, and an overall unshakable anticipation regarding the unforeseeable near future events that would take place. Our goal was to make it to the new year in hopes that we would qualify for paid maternity leave through my work, but we had no idea if we would make it, and when he would actually make his grand entrance. We had a minor hiccup only the Thursday before the new year when we went to the doctor for my 39 week checkup and my blood pressure was high. Dr. Asay was concerned and wanted to have it tested again, along with some blood work. We ended up "passing" and were able to go home with strict orders to take it easy, and I honestly believe it if my bp hadn't have gone down we would have been sent to the hospital that night. At that appointment we scheduled to meet again on the 3rd if he hadn't decided to come by then. We also talked about possible induction dates, which at that time would have been the 6th or 7th, but that would all be decided on the 3rd.

New Years Eve we waited in anticipation as we hung out with Austin's family, counting down the hours as we celebrated together. As soon as we made it to midnight, a sigh of relief washed over me and I felt extremely blessed. The Lord truly knew I needed the time with Isaac and we needed the financial security that the new year brought.

The next few days came and went, passing his due date on Jan. 2nd, and once again we were back in the doctor's office. I was a little anxious not knowing how far dilated I was or when to expect to be induced, but also in utter belief that we were so close to having our baby boy here. Dr. Asay checked me out again, found that I was at about 1.5 cm and then basically said, "Well, tomorrow's my induction day (each doctor in the office has a day of the week that they schedule their patient's inductions and here's was the next day), do you want to have a baby tomorrow?" Honestly, it threw me for a freaking loop. I knew we had talked about being induced that weekend, but I had no idea she was going to want to do it the next day! However, Austin and I looked at each other and nodded our heads that we did in fact want to have our baby the next day. I was in utter disbelief as we finished the paperwork and talked the plans over for the next day. Our baby boy was coming! And sooner than I thought!

We left the clinic and ran some errands and while we were out I called my mom. I told her we were having the baby the next day. They had basically been on call to head up here whenever things started to progress anyway so when my dad got home that afternoon they prepared to drive up. We completed our errands and headed home so that Austin could get ready for work. While he was at work I sat at home making sure everything was as ready as could be. I also sat in anticipation wondering and imagining what the next day would be. I had been preparing and studying, but I honestly had no idea how my body would react or what to expect since I had never had anything more than my wisdom teeth taken out. I was filled with anticipation, but also excitement.

After Austin came home from work around 11 we went to bed. We were supposed to show up at the hospital at 6 am so I set my alarm for 4:30 and tried to get some rest. However, sleep did not come easily and sometime between 2 and 3 am the pain got severe enough that I couldn't sleep anymore. I started timing the contractions and they were about a minute long and about 5-7 mins apart for a half hour. By 3:30 I was up and woke Austin up. I told him what was happening and we started getting ready to go to the hospital. Austin gave me a blessing right before we left and in it he stated that everything would be ok and that I would feel at peace. It was interesting that after all of the anticipation and apprehension leading up to giving birth that when everything actually started happening I felt extremely calm and at peace.

We arrived at the hospital around 4:45 and because I was going to be admitted at 6 anyway they just put me in a room right away and started getting everything set up. I was still in a quite a bit of pain and even though I was only at a 3 they said I could ask for an epidural at any time so I requested it and sometime after 7 the anesthesiologist finally came in. Once the epidural was in I was in pure heaven and was able to sleep. They said that since I was progressing on my own I wouldn't need any pitocin at that point. They checked me again and I was about the same so they just let it play out. Amy was my nurse and she was absolutely wonderful. Since she works the day shift she knew Austin's mom well so it was fun to talk with her with Karen there. Karen was supposed to work that day, but was put on call so she hung out with us. I slowly progressed as the day wore on so eventually they gave me some pitocin to speed up the contractions. They kept moving me from side to side, but he was being pretty stubborn and really only seemed to like it when I was simply lying on my back.

Around 1 pm my family arrived, which was awesome, but I was still only about 5 cm. We all hung out and they came and went for most of the afternoon into the evening. I was hoping for a max of 10-12 hours of labor, but 4:45 pm came and went. And by 6 pm my nurse Amy ended her shift and my night nurse Courtni showed up. Things progressed well through the next hour and they started prepping for delivery. My sisters stayed in the room behind their books and facetimed my brother. They cracked me up with their side comments and it was funny to have them there without them actually witnessing anything. Around 7:30 I was instructed to start pushing. Delivery was hard. It was painful as my epidural started to wear off right at the hardest part. Dr. Asay had a hard time getting around his head because of his thick hair. She said she had never seen that much hair on a newborn. After about an hour our baby boy finally made his entrance into the world! Isaac Layne was born at 8:46 pm weighing 8 lbs and 5 oz and measured 21 inches tall. He had the darkest hair and eyes when I first looked at it, but absolutely beautiful!

I had been so focused on my breathing and pushing that when he finally made it out and they put him on my chest, I lost it. I still tear up just thinking about it. It was such a sweet and tender moment for me. I felt like that was the moment that everything in my life led up to. In that moment I looked up at Austin and everything just felt so perfect. How had I ever lived without my sweet boys in my life? There are so many more feelings that were in my heart that are so indescribable and that are so sacred to me. Everyone had told me, but until I experienced it for myself I had no idea how it would feel. But bringing Isaac into the world alongside by best friend and love is tied for the best moment of my life with being sealed to Austin. I love our family and our sweet baby boy. He is the best thing along with his daddy that has ever happened to me. I am so blessed with the life that I have been given and I'm grateful for all the hardships, the wrong turns, the lessons learned, along with all of the blessings that have led me to exactly where I am.

It's been three weeks since my baby boy entered the world. These last three weeks have been exhausting and have stretched me in ways that I never would've imagined. I have a purpose and a new role in my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Family is What it's All About

This last weekend was absolutely incredible and I just felt the need to put it all down in this way. Austin, Madi and I were able to drive down to Vegas to be with my sister as she went to the temple to receive her endowments, and have a baby shower for our baby boy. Thankfully the drive was uneventful and we were able to make it early enough on Friday afternoon to spend time with my parents, Jess, Joce, Sierra, and my uncle Alan and his family. It was so fun just hanging out and playing Rock Band, BBQing, swimming and just spending time together. I absolutely cherish the time that we get to spend making fun memories like that. 

Saturday morning we went to the Las Vegas temple for Jessica. Austin and I went early with my parents and Jess, and I used Joce's camera to capture some of the scenery and the temple grounds. It was so fun just being there on the grounds and watching people come in and out of the temple. There were so many weddings happening and there were tons of little kids all dressed up in the waiting room. The cutest little boy that was wearing shorts, suspenders, and a bow tie came up to Austin and started talking to him. We have no idea what he said, but it was the sweetest thing and it just made us that much more excited to dress our little guy up eventually.

Once everyone made it to the temple we went back to change. It was incredible walking into the chapel and seeing so much family there to celebrate Jess and her decision. It was also really neat having my dad's parents there as they are currently serving a mission in Cove Fort, UT and had to receive permission to be there. I love watching the relationship between my dad and his dad. They're such jokesters and were bantering back and forth all the way up the stairs, and were even making faces at me and Jess later in the session. I seriously love them so much. 

One thing that was also really cool for me was looking over at my husband that was seated next to my dad, who was next to his dad, thinking of my little baby boy, and having it reaffirmed to me that that's what this is life is all about. Our families, blood or not, and our relationships with them are the absolute most important thing that we have in this life. I love the belief I have that families can be together forever because in this world of turmoil, hate, chaos, and confusion what we need more than ever are strong and loving families. We need the stability not just for our well-being, but for the well-being of our communities, nations, and world. Being in the temple with my family and being reminded of those things was probably the absolute best thing that we could have done while being down there this weekend. 

After the temple we had a baby shower with our family that was there. My sisters and mom put so much time, effort and love into making it absolutely wonderful. We had a great time playing games, eating delicious snacks, and just being all together. I'm so grateful Jess was willing to let us share her day and that she was happy planning it all for us. We are so blessed to have such incredible families, I'll tell you what! This little man is already so loved and I can't wait for everyone to meet him!

As for a little BUMPDATE: 

I am officially 21 weeks today. Baby boy is as active as ever and loves to punch and kick his mommy. His new trick is kicking Mommy really hard until she does what he wants whether that's eat, move, change into looser pants, use the restroom, etc. Already running our lives and I can't even be mad about it because it's the coolest feeling in the world. This week he is the size of a carrot at about 3/4 of a pound and is about 10 1/2 inches long. Something fun I learned at the shower was that my stomach is now 38 inches around. He can recognize Mommy and Daddy now and loves to show off his kicking and punching ability for anyone who will take the time to push back. He's learning how to swallow and in the next few weeks may experience some hiccups. That'll be fun! Mommy and Daddy don't have a name picked out for him yet because they want it to be perfect, but they know they'll figure it out. Our full anatomy scan will be next week so hopefully he'll cooperate and smile pretty for us :)

After our short, but wonderful weekend we had to make the journey back to Idaho. We weren't sure what to expect with it being the Eclipse the following day so we headed back around noon on Sunday. We made pretty good time and arrived uneventfully home that night. The next morning we went to the family farm to watch the Eclipse. Honestly, we didn't get what the whole hype was about or why so many people came from all over the world to see it. However, being able to witness it in totality was the coolest thing I think I've ever witnessed in my life. Watching the sun still shine in the sky while everything else went more and more dark was nothing short than eerie, but super cool. It also dropped in temperature all within a couple of minutes time. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. It was super fun being with Ryan and Kolene's family and watching the boys get excited, but not really know what was going on. Austin's parents, his sister, and his grandparents were able to be there as well, which just made it that much more special. Austin left a little later with his grandparents in order to get ready for work, but the rest of us stayed for the rest of the day. It was nice to relax and just be on the farm with family. I think it was a day we all needed. 

Well It's About Time

Hello life update!

Holy cow, I'm ashamed that it's been as long as it has since I've written. I did start a journal this year so thankfully I do have that, but I haven't updated that in a few months either so it's about time I get my butt back in gear!

It's been 7 months since I've put anything out, which is unbelievable considering how much has happened to our little family since then. In that time we've only moved to Boise, started our jobs and lives out there, found out we were pregnant (hello big news!), moved back home to Idaho Falls and started settling back in to our lives here surrounded by family and friends. It's been a good year for us (obviously with a baby on the way), especially as we've really come closer as a couple and strengthened our relationship as we had to rely on one another without either of our families extremely close by. We really settled in to our ward in Boise while we there and made some incredible friends. Austin served in the Elder Quorum presidency and did an incredible job. We loved our ward and the memories that we made there, but when we visited our family here in Idaho Falls a few months back we both felt inspired that it was time to come home.

I was surprised that we both were pulled in that direction after feeling so strongly about moving to Boise and not being there for very long, but I know that there were experiences and relationships that needed to be gained for the both of us, even during that short time. And it's been a huge relief knowing all of the family and friend support we have here now, throughout our pregnancy, and especially when the baby comes. I knew we could handle whatever came our way out there in Boise, but it has been a calm reassurance for me in knowing that the Lord wants us to be near family and have that added support.

Speaking of babies and pregnancy, I'm sure you're all dying to know every detail about our baby.
BUMPDATE TIME: Well, at 14 almost 15 weeks I have already developed a little baby bump, but because I never feel cute enough to take a picture, and I want it to be on the actual day that it switches to the next week, I have zero baby bump pics. Don't worry, I'll swallow my pride, or actually get ready, or get over my slight need for perfection one of these days and take one. I promise. But regardless of pictures, I'm telling you right now that baby is settling right in. It's crazy to think how much I already love this little thing inside me so much, but I'm already so proud and feel so drawn to my little baby. Haha, it's really incredible what hormones can do, isn't it?

Baby Blob Blatter (or Triple B as we fondly refer to it), is currently 3.4 in, 1.5 oz and growing every day! This week baby is the size of a large lemon and I'll tell you what, is already a wiggle worm. Also, in case you're curious, so far I've gained about 6 lbs. Most importantly, however, Triple B is healthy and strong, and the doctor doesn't foresee any complications. I know that a lot of people will not appreciate this, but this pregnancy has actually been a breeze. I have felt great, and except for one expectation (that's quite a story that I'll have to share at a later time), have only experienced nausea on a few occasions and have not been sick. Besides general tiredness, the realization that none of my clothes seem to fit, and the startling fact that apparently I sunburn even easier now (Yay for red skin every time I go outside!), I've felt pretty normal. I have noticed more fatigue and achy joints since entering the second trimester, but it's nothing I can't bare, especially since I feel incredibly blessed to have not been sick at all.

One of the biggest blessings for me has been that my emotions and mood have been controllable, which is a huge relief. When I was on birth control the hormones made me into a pretty miserable person and I was nervous that when I became pregnant the same thing would happen. However, besides being even more susceptible to crying than I was before, I am my normal self, and I'm so happy about it. No crazy cravings either, but I have realized how much I love potatoes of any kind- we're already raising our little Idahoan right 😉 I occasionally think a particular food or type of food sounds really good, but it isn't paramount that I eat it.

Mostly I just feel really grateful. It's hard sometimes to feel that way when I'm still looking for a job, and seem to be hitting dead end after dead end, but I look at the wonderful family and friends I have here and all over, and I just feel so blessed. Especially in light of recent events, I think we get so caught up in the little things that sometimes we forget about the bigger ones. Our families are the most important things that we can have in this life and even though we love them, how often do we take them for granted? In a split moment anything can change. When sitting in a room surrounded and engulfed by electronics how often do we take the moment to put them away or turn them off and play a game or talk? How often do tell someone special to us that we love them? I know that until recently I would shrug off my younger siblings when they wanted to play a game thinking I was too old or cool or something for that. Yet now at 23 how could I not take the opportunity to spend time with my baby sister who just misses her big sis? It's amazing what time, maturity, and perspective can do to a person.

I'm not perfect at being present in the moment, but as I've taken more opportunities to do so I've found that they make the sweetest memories. I absolutely love taking pictures to document fun times and special moments, but thinking back on when Austin and I found out we were pregnant, I'm so grateful to look back on that and remember the raw emotion that we both felt. All without our phones or pictures or videos. That moment is one of the sweetest memories for me, especially knowing that we were both fully processing it together without me trying to shove a camera in our faces. I'm grateful for him and his excitement and support. He's going to be a great dad, and our baby is already so blessed already.

I just feel so incredibly strong about expressing how much God and Jesus Christ loves us. Even in our darkest moments, He is there. Even when no one else understands what we feel, they do. They will carry us, and will lead us through this life. And because they love us so much they've given us our families. Not everyone has the perfect family of origin, but they have the chance to create the family that they always wanted. Although our families can create the most sorrow, they can also create the most joy. And although I am just a mother to an unborn child, I can't think of anything greater than being with Austin, this baby, our future babies, and our families forever. I know that God, through Jesus Christ, has made that possible. And for that, I couldn't be more eternally grateful.

Endings and New Beginnings

I really shouldn't be taking the time to do this right now. I have 2 assignments and 3 finals left to study for, but since I got out of class 45 minutes early I guess we'll say I'm just using that time. I can't believe the end is so near.

As I sat at the luncheon for the graduates of our major today it started to hit me. Tomorrow is my last day of classes at BYU-I ever. Today and tomorrow will be the last time I see pretty much everyone I've gotten to know in the last 4 years in person. It'll be the last time I interact with my teachers. The last time I tutor. The last time I walk up and down the stairs of the Smith and the Clarke 400 times a day. It'll be the last of the "see you later"s and the first of the "goodbye"s. I may have moved a lot in my life, but I will never be good at goodbyes.

As a student you always hope and pray for the day when you'll be done. When you'll be able to walk across the stage with family and friends cheering you on for all that you've accomplished in the last 4 years and get handed that coveted diploma cover with nothing inside. But when it truly comes down to it, there is a small part of you that wants to hold on and not leave. There's something familiar and comfortable about where you're at and it's hard to let that go. But there is no growth in the comfort zone so we all need to let go eventually.

See, I think the thing that's hardest for me is that at this point Rexburg is home. Sure, my home is where my family is, but my life has been here for a long time now. Although Reno still has Rexburg beat in the longest length of time I've lived anywhere, I can honestly say I've gone through the most here.

In the time I have been here at school I have lived away from home for the first time. I have decided to serve a mission and come back. I've found my passion and switched into a major I love. I have made the best of friends, and I've lost some too. I've grown in my testimony and in my knowledge of the gospel. I've learned more about myself and the world around me than in any other circumstance or place. I found my first love and my last. I fell in love with a man who I never imagined I would find, who then asked me to marry him and I said, "Duh!" After getting engaged we planned our wedding, and found my dream dress here. We moved into our first apartment as a married couple. We made plans for the future, And now, in the same year that we got engaged and married, I will be walking at graduation and leaving this place behind. And that my friends, is why Rexburg and BYU-I will always have a special place in my heart. The most influential and important decisions of my life we prayed about and made here, in Rexburg.

As I said before, I'm no good at goodbyes. And it's true what Pres. Uchtdorf said about endings, "In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny." Endings are not our destiny.

Because in this eternal progression of life it's bittersweet to leave things and people behind, but the point isn't to see them as an end. The point is to see them as amazing opportunities that shaped us and led us to new paths. To new paths that will help us become better and to grow. Because as much as we can't grow in our comfort zone it's more important that we learn to be comfortable in our growing zone. No matter where it will take us. There's a lot still ahead for us and although sometimes that seems a little scary, it's needed and can be so wonderful. So in the spirit of new beginnings I say bring it on- the really good stuff is still to come!

The Remains of Summer

Well, to be honest, it seemed high time for an update and maybe a little opinion. I figured if I started writing things would just kind of flow. We'll see. Haha

This summer has been busy, but boring for me at the same time. May and June we were all over the place, but July wasn't too bad. We managed two road trips. One was not too bad while the other took us almost all day.

In the beginning of July we were able to drive down to Utah in order to attend Austin's Mission President's homecoming. We went down Saturday afternoon and stayed at the Allsups. We went out with Tean and Aby and met up with Alora and Jared. We went to Applebees for dinner and then we went to the Boondocks until about midnight. Highlights from that night definitely playing Pokemon Go in the parking lot while waiting for Alora and Jared, the food (of course), and kicking this whole guy team's butt in two rounds of laser tag. We had so much fun and always love seeing our friends when we're there.

The next morning we headed for Pleasant Grove for church. The homecoming was beautiful and I absolutely loved seeing Austin with his fellow missionaries singing in Spanish. It made me tear up and I felt the spirit very strongly. After sacrament we went to his mission president's house for a luncheon. It was absolutely delicious, but the best part was finally getting to put faces to the elders that I had heard so many stories about. It was awesome for me to sit there and hear them all recount stories and then just laugh and laugh. I'm so glad that we were able to go.

I then managed to convince Austin to high tide it for a few days in order to attend my Grandma Keeler's side's family reunion, or the Barlow Reunion, as we refer to it. We left really early Wed. morning of the 23rd. I had finished my last final the day before and since we live in married housing there were no clean checks or moving out (I swear that's almost more stress than finals themselves), which meant all we had to do was pack and we'd be good! The Reunion itself started Wed. at 3 so since we figured that's when all my family would show up, we planned to be there then. Btw, before I forget to mention it, we figured it would be way more fun to surprise everyone, so for safety and logical reasons we told my mom (she had to tell my aunt Kendall for food reasons), but all the rest of my extended family had no idea we were coming. I thought it would be fun to do it that way, especially since I knew my grandma would be thrilled that we were actually able to make it.

We arrived right on time on that day only to realize that none of the rest of my family was there yet. We talked with my mom's cousin Sherilyn and her family, which was great since I haven't seen them in years! It was way fun to introduce Austin to everyone and see how well they just took him in, though I'm not surprised. I can't even tell you on how many occasions someone has told me what a great guy he is or that I really picked a good one. Obviously I know that, but it's really cool for others to tell me that too. He's an amazing man and I'm so happy others can see that.

Anyway, by the time my family arrived it was about 4:30-5. Austin and I realized that we could've left later that morning, but it was nice to have a little of the afternoon and evening not driving. One by one my aunts and uncles and their families all showed up and it was super fun seeing their expressions when they realized it was us. My grandma's was the best by far though. I swear I thought she was going to pee her pants out of excitement. It was definitely worth the surprise to see all of them thrilled that we were able to make it.

We had a wonderful couple of days hanging out and playing games. It was fun for everyone to get to know Austin more since the first and last time they had seen him was at our wedding. He fits right in and they all love him, surprise, surprise. We taught all of my cousins that were old enough how to play werewolf and that was probably the best part of it all. We got told we were being too loud countless times and I view that as having a lot of fun.

I loved seeing everyone and getting to make more memories with them. I loved having Austin there with me too. But in all honesty by Friday morning I was glad we were leaving. Sleeping in that tent was not my favorite and I felt really bad because I forgot my mattress pad so Austin gave me his and he just slept on blankets. Needless to say, I was very happy to sleep in my own bed that night. I'm so glad we were able to go even it was short and my sleep was very uncomfortable.

In the beginning of August I was also able to attend my first rodeo EVER and I loved it!! It was so fun being with all of the family and seeing how excited the boys were. We had delicious food and great entertainment. I had no idea how many events there were. It was so fun and I'm so glad I got to see what Austin's life is like, especially having all his family there!

Since my job is being a tutor on campus there's not a whole lot you can do when school's not in session. I was hoping for more hours by preparing for this next semester, but I realized after my first couple of planning seshes, there wasn't a whole lot more for me to do. So basically I have binge watched Netflix pretty much all summer. Btw, in case you're in need of a show, I recommend Gilmore Girls, I'm hooked. Besides that I did sit in the combine next to Austin and few days and witnessed how harvest works, I've spent a lot of time with Liz and the boys, which makes me so happy because I love my cute nephews, but that's pretty much about it.

Austin did surprise me however at the end of July by saying that he had been saving up for a little while so that I could go home for a week. At first I was a little taken aback and was a little apprehensive about being gone for an entire week, but he assured me we'd be fine being apart so we made plans. I flew to AZ Aug 11th and was there until the 18th. I loved being home and being with my family. It was so fun going swimming after Sierra got home from school and just relaxing. I got to see some of my best friends too, which was awesome! It's always fun to catch up when I'm home. I got caught up in enjoying myself so much I forgot to take pictures, but the memories are great. Unfortunately I got sick while I was there, but managed to still have fun. It was an absolutely wonderful surprise and though I did miss Austin like crazy, I can only attribute that to how amazing he is and that he's totally worth missing.

I think that pretty much wraps up the updates. I start school next Mon, the 12th. It's my last technical semester on campus. I have 5 more credits to take after this semester, but rather than overwhelm myself with so many things I decided to rearrange my whole schedule, add a class that will count as my internship, and technically not graduate until April. I will walk in Dec, on my birthday, actually, and then that way when we move to Boise, I'll take my last two classes online and be able to work. I feel really good about it all and know that it worked out so I could enjoy my last semester here. I'm happy we have a few more months in our ward and with our friends, but I'm also extremely looking forward to our adventures to come in Boise.

Creative Writing

About a month ago I was given the opportunity to do a creative writing piece of sorts for my Book of Mormon final. We were asked to write ourselves into a story from the first half of the Book of Mormon. We couldn't change any major details or characters, but we were to write about our experience as if we had been there. I was deeply moved by the story of the people that were baptized at the waters of Mormon by Alma and decided to center my story around that event (all of the events are in the book of Mosiah mostly centered around chapter 18). I really enjoyed writing this piece and was impressed with how easy the words just flowed out of me. I hope you feel the emotion and spirit I felt while writing it. Thanks for taking the time to stop by and read it. I'm truly humbled.

I looked down to see tears making their way off of my face and onto my clothes. It took me a second to realize that I was crying. In that moment my heart swelled with joy and the spirit of God descended on me and washed down my whole body. I had not had hands placed upon my head yet, but in that moment it was as if God Himself had descended to dwell among us and revel in our joy and happiness. Tears were falling more freely as I looked around at my new found brothers and sisters. There was this feeling that resided in me, as if for the first time, I was seeing them in new light. As if I was seeing them as God saw them. And oh, were they beautiful basking in their new light.

My grin only broaden as I thought back to the journey that got me to this point. I had heard rumors of a man named Abinidi that taught against what King Noah was doing. Growing up, he had been a good king and had given his people all that they wanted, but he was a drunk and that was never something that suited me too much. I liked to drink during times of celebration and gladness, but I had seen too many lives ruined by alcoholism. The other thing was the taxes. When both Mom and Dad worked it was easy to make all that we needed to and to still prosper, but as King Noah’s taxes on our goods grew more grievous, my family was greatly affected and we began to suffer from want of food. My baby brother died of malnutrition when he was just 3 years old. My dear king who was supposed to protect my baby brother spent his days drinking, stealing from his people to make more palaces and thrones, and to ornament himself and hire whores, could care less about me and my family. A hatred for King Noah grew in me and festered for years. I closed my heart to everything around me and let the darkness overshadow me.

I think that’s why when I heard of Abinidi teaching against him, I was more than intrigued. I was ecstatic that someone had finally had enough of what he was doing. Hope swelled within me at the thought of King Noah finally getting what was coming to him. I wanted nothing more than for that man to be taken from his throne and buried deep within the ground. Only news of Abinidi’s murder spread quicker than wildfire and hopelessness and disgust filled my heart once more. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how I would be able to live under King Noah’s reign and let it destroy me any longer. Amongst the news of Abinidi’s murder was also the news that one of King Noah’s priests had not only suggested that Abinidi live, but supposedly believed his words. King Noah had him cast out and sent his guards to kill him. The word was that the guards returned empty handed and had been unable to do as King Noah commanded.

I thought that I would feel more excited about the prospect of Alma being alive, but with his disappearance and no word of where he had gone, I simply resigned to the fact that I would never find happiness again. Day after day it seemed as if we simply just went through the motions and let life pass us by. Finally I knew I couldn’t take it anymore, that I had to get out no matter what. So I headed for the woods and never looked back. I didn’t even say goodbye to the rest of my family. I couldn’t. I couldn’t handle the looks on their faces. I couldn’t bring myself to it so I left and hoped that somewhere deep in their hearts they could find a way to forgive me.

After days of wandering in the woods and barely staying alive I stumbled upon a clearing of open water. I threw myself in it and gulped down as much as I could without choking myself. Suddenly I heard a voice and it startled me. I wasn’t sure who it was so I quickly dove for cover behind several staggering rocks. After a few moments of thought, I realized the threat was not eminent and removed myself from my place of hiding. As I went to investigate I realized that I could also hear little children laughing and splashing each other in the water. I wondered what in the world had possessed them to come out here alone. I moved closer to the voices and then right before my eyes sat Alma. He was addressing several families and individuals that were scattered across the rocks and it looked as if he had a record with him. I moved closer to listen and realized he must have just started teaching as he introduced that these were the words that Abinidi had taught. I kept myself hid by wading behind the rocks, but moved closer and closer until I could hear him clearly.

Alma taught of God and of Jesus Christ, who was to come and redeem mankind. He taught of the atonement and how all mankind could be saved through obedience to and the ordinances of the gospel. He reiterated the Ten Commandments that Moses had brought down from the mountain, written by the finger of God Himself. He taught of the resurrection and life after death. As Alma continued to talk my heart swelled within me. Something that I had never felt before washed over me as if God poured a warm hot drink onto my head and into my heart.

Every day around the same time they would gather in the same place and every day I waited in my hiding spot to hear the word of God. My heart ached as I thought of my family and what they were missing out on. It ached even more that I had let myself become closed off from them and had allowed a thick brick wall to be built around my heart. Each day as I listened and as I cried out to a God that I barely knew, that wall came crashing down. I knew that what Alma was teaching was true. There was no denying that for me and I only wished I could share that with everyone I knew.

After several days of listening from my hiding spot, I heard a familiar sound that I hadn’t heard in a long time, mom’s laughter. I looked up over the rock behind which I was wading and peered out over the crowd. There in my hindsight was Mom, Dad, and my little siblings. I cried out to them and lunged myself closer to the rock they were sitting on. Mom looked up from the conversation that was holding her attention and immediately burst into tears. She leaped into the water and enveloped me in the tightest embrace she had ever pulled me into. We stood there in the shallow water both crying and hugging, and then Alma came over and instructed us to sit down that he might be able to start that day’s lesson.

I sat down beside my family and for the first time really let Alma’s words sink in about eternal life. I cried out to God in my heart a prayer of gratitude that He had led my family here and that we were together again. I asked His forgiveness that He might forgive me of all the darkness I had let into my heart and life. The spirit of God, as Alma called it, washed over me and I knew that God had forgiven me. I had never felt happier than in that moment. That was until today.

I had just watched Alma invite us to be baptized. When he had done this, we all clapped with joy. My heart had never felt so full. We exclaimed that that was the desire of our hearts and that we wanted to bear one another’s burdens, mourn with those that mourned, and to stand as a witnesses of God. Alma believed our intent and took Helam into the water. He threw the both of them in the water and then started baptizing each one of us, one by one. As each one had emerged my heart had grown bigger and bigger. My capacity to not only love, but to let them into my life and heart, was growing immensely.

I realized that I had let my thoughts wonder awhile when I looked back in the water to realize that Mom had just entered and was about to be emerged. I look down at the little hand that rested in mine and allowed my heart and my head to be completely surrounded and filled with light. I watched as each one of my family members was taken into the water and baptized by the power and authority of God. As each one came out of the water there was a new light about them and it was as if they were glowing. We all embraced each other and cried pure tears of joy. Finally it was my turn.

I entered the water and took Alma by the wrist. He took me by the other wrist, said the prayer of baptism, and emerged me in the water. As soon as I came out of the water I felt cleaner than I had my whole life. Not just the outside of my body, but it felt like the insides of my body had been purified by fire. I knew without a doubt, that God knew my heart and had taken me into His fold. 

Life is Oh So Good!

It's been about a month since I've posted and I feel like so much has happened in such a short amount of time. In that time we've attended two weddings and one concert, caught up with good friends and family, branded the cows, celebrated two months of marriage, and bought a car! It's awesome to think so many amazing things have happened it just one month. I love it!

Each of the weddings we attended meant road trips for us, which are always entertaining and fun. It amazes me that we can talk for hours and never run out of things to talk about it. The first trip was to good ol' Herriman, Utah where we were able to see our good family friends, the Allsups. We were able to witness Tean and Aby's sealing and it was absolutely beautiful. We spent the weekend with them, which is always the best. They're like family and it's so fun catching up with them every time we're in town.


We also got to meet up with Alora and Jared while we were there. Our double date was hilarious and fun- we were laughing the entire time!

Before we skipped town we dropped by Alan and Annette's where we hung out and made memories and tons of snapchat pictures. Haha, I just can't believe my little cousin, Ashlan is a high school graduate. I just love seeing everyone while we're in town.

Then a week later we road tripped again, but this time with Nicole and we headed straight for Boise. We went to Boise for our beautiful old roommate, Rachel's wedding. It was my first time actually in Boise and it was so fun! I'm so excited to move there in January. I just got such this cool feeling like this really is going to be our home. Isn't there something just so exciting about that?! I love knowing that I get to adventure with Austin forever. It's seriously the best thing ever.

Oh, but Backstory time! So Nicole and Rachel and I met in Fall 2014 when we all became roommates at the Ivy. I was fresh off my mission (literally like maybe three weeks) and I had one hope: that my room roommate would not be an 18 year old, first semester freshman. Jokes on me cause that's exactly what happened. The Lord definitely knew what He was doing when He sent me Rachel though. I needed her. But really we needed each other. We got so incredibly close that semester. She was like a little sister, but so so much more. We became best friends and affectionately still refer to each other as bae (and by the way, we started doing that before it became a weird fad thing and ruined it. Ugh). Oh and by the way, these two beautiful women drove the ENTIRE WAY FROM IDAHO TO ARIZONA AND BACK IN ONE WEEKEND FOR MY WEDDING. I seriously couldn't ask for better friends.

Although Rachel left after that semester and never came back to school, we kept in touch and saw each other a few times. Then like I said, her and Nicole drove to Arizona to my bridesmaids and spend that weekend with me. Funny enough, she actually got engaged the day before Austin and I did. That's a funny story for another time. Anyway, going to Boise that weekend and being there for her, especially in the sealing room was an incredible experience. I love seeing my friends get sealed to their best friends. That promise of forever is the most special thing in the entire existence of anything. Just thinking about it warms my heart. And that day, in the sealing room, I bawled my eyes out. It was such a spiritual experience. As hard as it was for me to give up Rachel back to Boise however long ago, I'm so happy that she found Paden. They're perfect for each other. I just can't believe my baby girl is married! Ahh! But I love it and I love that she's so happy.

Amidst all the fun and traveling, we bought a car! We looked around while we were in Utah for Tean and Aby's wedding, but nothing really seemed promising. Austin saw a posting for exactly what we were looking for at a car lot in Idaho Falls so when we came back here on Sunday we swung by to look at it and decided it was worth coming back to the lot to check out. They were closed the next day since it was Memorial Day so Austin went back the next day. He test drove it and updated me about everything while it was happening. We felt good about it and the next day we walked out after signing the papers to take our new car home! Welcome to the family, Bertha! Sometimes adulting is hard, but it's a lot more fun when we do it together. Going through life with Austin makes me happy.

Speaking of being happy, I just realized that Austin and I have been together almost 8 months! It's crazy how fast time flies. I was looking through my phone at the pictures I had sent my mom and I found a screenshot I had taken of one of mine and Austin's first flirty conversations together. It made me laugh looking back and comparing then to now. I'm so glad he waited for me and chose me. It just amazes me at how I always seem to grow in my capacity to love him more and more. I wouldn't change anything. Although I don't believe in soulmates, I do believe that Austin is the perfect one for me. Somehow he manages to look past my many flaws and just love for who I am. I am crazy, and thankfully because of my stupid birth control once upon a time, he has seen me at my absolute worst. As in the worst that I've ever seen me, and we were only engaged, and he still chose me. He said something the other night that really got to me. We were just lying in bed cuddling and talking and I just told him how much I love him and thanked him for everything he does for and he just looked and me and said, "I'm just trying to be the man you deserve." My heart seriously melted in that moment. This man works harder for us than anybody I know. He works at least 10-11 hour days and sometimes even works upwards of 15 hours in a day. He never complains and no matter how sick he's been, and since discovering that he has a parasite being sick is no small matter, he still gets up and goes to work the next day. And he still loves me. We're coming up on 3 months and he still loves me. He is so much more than I could've ever hoped for and imagined. And to be honest, sometimes I don't even think I deserve him. Which is not entirely the best thing for me to say, but to put it in perspective, it just seems like he's always doing everything for me or us. He inspires me and I want to be more like him every day. I don't know what I did to deserve to be so blessed, but boy, I wouldn't change it for the world.