I
looked down to see tears making their way off of my face and onto my clothes.
It took me a second to realize that I was crying. In that moment my heart
swelled with joy and the spirit of God descended on me and washed down my whole
body. I had not had hands placed upon my head yet, but in that moment it was as
if God Himself had descended to dwell among us and revel in our joy and
happiness. Tears were falling more freely as I looked around at my new found
brothers and sisters. There was this feeling that resided in me, as if for the
first time, I was seeing them in new light. As if I was seeing them as God saw
them. And oh, were they beautiful basking in their new light.
My
grin only broaden as I thought back to the journey that got me to this point. I
had heard rumors of a man named Abinidi that taught against what King Noah was
doing. Growing up, he had been a good king and had given his people all that
they wanted, but he was a drunk and that was never something that suited me too
much. I liked to drink during times of celebration and gladness, but I had seen
too many lives ruined by alcoholism. The other thing was the taxes. When both
Mom and Dad worked it was easy to make all that we needed to and to still
prosper, but as King Noah’s taxes on our goods grew more grievous, my family
was greatly affected and we began to suffer from want of food. My baby brother
died of malnutrition when he was just 3 years old. My dear king who was supposed to protect my baby brother spent his
days drinking, stealing from his people to make more palaces and thrones, and
to ornament himself and hire whores, could care less about me and my family. A
hatred for King Noah grew in me and festered for years. I closed my heart to
everything around me and let the darkness overshadow me.
I
think that’s why when I heard of Abinidi teaching against him, I was more than
intrigued. I was ecstatic that someone had finally had enough of what he was
doing. Hope swelled within me at the thought of King Noah finally getting what
was coming to him. I wanted nothing more than for that man to be taken from his
throne and buried deep within the ground. Only news of Abinidi’s murder spread
quicker than wildfire and hopelessness and disgust filled my heart once more. I
didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how I would be able to live under King
Noah’s reign and let it destroy me any longer. Amongst the news of Abinidi’s
murder was also the news that one of King Noah’s priests had not only suggested
that Abinidi live, but supposedly believed his words. King Noah had him cast
out and sent his guards to kill him. The word was that the guards returned
empty handed and had been unable to do as King Noah commanded.
I
thought that I would feel more excited about the prospect of Alma being alive,
but with his disappearance and no word of where he had gone, I simply resigned
to the fact that I would never find happiness again. Day after day it seemed as
if we simply just went through the motions and let life pass us by. Finally I
knew I couldn’t take it anymore, that I had to get out no matter what. So I
headed for the woods and never looked back. I didn’t even say goodbye to the
rest of my family. I couldn’t. I couldn’t handle the looks on their faces. I
couldn’t bring myself to it so I left and hoped that somewhere deep in their
hearts they could find a way to forgive me.
After
days of wandering in the woods and barely staying alive I stumbled upon a
clearing of open water. I threw myself in it and gulped down as much as I could
without choking myself. Suddenly I heard a voice and it startled me. I wasn’t
sure who it was so I quickly dove for cover behind several staggering rocks.
After a few moments of thought, I realized the threat was not eminent and
removed myself from my place of hiding. As I went to investigate I realized
that I could also hear little children laughing and splashing each other in the
water. I wondered what in the world had possessed them to come out here alone.
I moved closer to the voices and then right before my eyes sat Alma. He was
addressing several families and individuals that were scattered across the
rocks and it looked as if he had a record with him. I moved closer to listen
and realized he must have just started teaching as he introduced that these
were the words that Abinidi had taught. I kept myself hid by wading behind the
rocks, but moved closer and closer until I could hear him clearly.
Alma
taught of God and of Jesus Christ, who was to come and redeem mankind. He
taught of the atonement and how all mankind could be saved through obedience to
and the ordinances of the gospel. He reiterated the Ten Commandments that Moses
had brought down from the mountain, written by the finger of God Himself. He
taught of the resurrection and life after death. As Alma continued to talk my
heart swelled within me. Something that I had never felt before washed over me
as if God poured a warm hot drink onto my head and into my heart.
Every
day around the same time they would gather in the same place and every day I
waited in my hiding spot to hear the word of God. My heart ached as I thought
of my family and what they were missing out on. It ached even more that I had
let myself become closed off from them and had allowed a thick brick wall to be
built around my heart. Each day as I listened and as I cried out to a God that
I barely knew, that wall came crashing down. I knew that what Alma was teaching
was true. There was no denying that for me and I only wished I could share that
with everyone I knew.
After
several days of listening from my hiding spot, I heard a familiar sound that I
hadn’t heard in a long time, mom’s laughter. I looked up over the rock behind
which I was wading and peered out over the crowd. There in my hindsight was
Mom, Dad, and my little siblings. I cried out to them and lunged myself closer
to the rock they were sitting on. Mom looked up from the conversation that was
holding her attention and immediately burst into tears. She leaped into the
water and enveloped me in the tightest embrace she had ever pulled me into. We
stood there in the shallow water both crying and hugging, and then Alma came
over and instructed us to sit down that he might be able to start that day’s
lesson.
I
sat down beside my family and for the first time really let Alma’s words sink
in about eternal life. I cried out to God in my heart a prayer of gratitude
that He had led my family here and that we were together again. I asked His forgiveness
that He might forgive me of all the darkness I had let into my heart and life.
The spirit of God, as Alma called it, washed over me and I knew that God had
forgiven me. I had never felt happier than in that moment. That was until
today.
I
had just watched Alma invite us to be baptized. When he had done this, we all
clapped with joy. My heart had never felt so full. We exclaimed that that was
the desire of our hearts and that we wanted to bear one another’s burdens,
mourn with those that mourned, and to stand as a witnesses of God. Alma
believed our intent and took Helam into the water. He threw the both of them in
the water and then started baptizing each one of us, one by one. As each one
had emerged my heart had grown bigger and bigger. My capacity to not only love,
but to let them into my life and heart, was growing immensely.
I
realized that I had let my thoughts wonder awhile when I looked back in the
water to realize that Mom had just entered and was about to be emerged. I look
down at the little hand that rested in mine and allowed my heart and my head to
be completely surrounded and filled with light. I watched as each one of my
family members was taken into the water and baptized by the power and authority
of God. As each one came out of the water there was a new light about them and
it was as if they were glowing. We all embraced each other and cried pure tears
of joy. Finally it was my turn.
I
entered the water and took Alma by the wrist. He took me by the other wrist, said
the prayer of baptism, and emerged me in the water. As soon as I came out of
the water I felt cleaner than I had my whole life. Not just the outside of my
body, but it felt like the insides of my body had been purified by fire. I knew
without a doubt, that God knew my heart and had taken me into His fold.
