Wrapping It Up

It's been two weeks since I celebrated my 21st birthday by taking two finals, finishing three essays, deep cleaning pretty much my entire room, the hallway and the laundry room, and let's not forget packing all of my earthly belongings that I still hadn't packed yet. Oh, the joy. But even though that sounds rather depressing my birthday celebration actually spanned out over several days because of the wonderful friends and family I have. It was so nice feeling so loved no matter how far away I was from my family. My roommates took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant the Saturday before, the day before, my wonderful friend, Cheryl invited us to their house for pizza and cake. And let me just add that this was not just any cake. It was a chocolate cake with chocolate ganache, topped with m&ms, surronded by kit-kats(!!)...YEAH. And my actual birthday was not a disappointment either, as my roommates made me a sign, and decorated my floor with balloons....it was cute. When I finally returned home on Wed. we went out to dinner to celebrate with my best friends, Brie and Jace, and some new-founded friends, the Allsup family. I was just completely overwhelmed by the love this year (That's also disregarding the 100+ friends of mine that wished me a happy birthday in some way, shape or form...WOW)...to say I am blessed is the understatement of the century.

These last two weeks have been somewhat relaxing, but more lazy than anything than else, and still ridiculously busy while not doing anything (how is that even possible?). There has been a lot of downtime and just hanging around watching tv (it's kind of sad that I still do it because I have nothing else to do even when I don't really enjoy it), but there have been some positives that have come of it too: (these are in no way in order of importance):

1. SLEEPING IN

Seriously, I know I was a missionary and that I learned the value of the whole "early to bed, early to rise" thing, but there's seriously sometime when this girl just needs to sleep. I have thoroughly enjoyed not having to set my alarm and just letting my body recouperate from all the horrible things that I have done to it this past semester. Haha

2. Spending Christmas with my family

I will admit to the fact that it's been hard realizing that last Christmas I was doing something with my life. I was productive and actually helping people. My whole life all I've wanted to do is make a difference and I finally felt that I was accomplishing that dream while serving in the Philippines. I mean, honestly, what better way to celebrate and acknowledge the birth of our Savior than bringing souls unto Him through the waters of baptism? There's just nothing like it. Nothing.

But there was something different this year that I could appreciate and that was being with my family. As many of you know and remember, almost 2 years ago I nearly lost my mom, Jess and Austin in a car accident. Thankfully, today I don't have to wonder what my life would be like without them. I am grateful that as we celebrated Christmas this year, that all of us were here; that we could be together and enjoy each other's company. We spent so many hours just doing things together playing games, teasing each other, making gingerbread houses, etc. etc. There's nothing else like family or being with them either.

3. Seeing old friends

Since I left for my mission in the middle of the school year there were a lot of friends that were still off at school and I was unable to see them before I left. Most of my friends that I have been able to reconnect with over the past two weeks I haven't seen in over 2 years! It's crazy to believe, but I am just so happy that I was able to see them and rekindle our friendships. I'm thankful that I have made such wonderful friends no matter where God has sent me.

4. Lots of thinking time

Haha, the title pretty much explains it. Being home and having all this downtime has given me a lot of time to reflect on my life, who I've become, what I want to do with my life, and who I want to become. It's put a lot of things into perspective and caused me to reflect back a lot on my mission, and the whole purpose of it. I've recognized that there are a lot of things that I need to improve on for one reason or another, mostly because I've been slacking on things I know I shouldn't be slacking on. I can feel the difference though, and I recognize the loss. This has helped me to recognize how I can improve and change my schedule, how I can budget and save my money better, and what I need to do in order to become a better person. So lots of good thinking. And lots of resolutions. I am determined to accomplish them. Better yet, I will accomplish them.

So I guess since Jess and I will be driving all day tomorrow that this is also my last post of the year. 2014 has been so good to me. It's a big toss up between 2013 and '14 what year I grew and learned more, but as of right now we'll say it's a toss up and they pretty much tied. I spent 8 out of the 12 months of this year doing the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done or will ever do in my life. Giving those months and almost all of '13 was literally the most incredible experience, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am blessed beyond measure with the capacity that Heavenly Father gave me to serve. He's blessed me in more ways than I can even begin to express or hope to acknowledge. 

So here's to you, 2014! Thanks for all of the things you've taught me, all the experiences that you've given me, and for the chance to look back on you and smile. I now look forward to another year, another chance to learn, grow and become. 2015, be good to me. I promise to make you the best you can be in return <3

"Hey, Hey, Hey, Goodbye"

You know something that I really hate? Endings. I hate endings of a good movie or book, I hate the end of friendships or relationships, and I hate endings of semesters of school or chapters in my life. And I hate the most associated word concerning endings; I hate goodbyes. I hate saying it, I hate hearing it, and most of all I hate the meaning behind. But in saying that I also recognize the importance of it in the whole scheme of this earthly life.

It's the end of yet another semester of school. I can't believe how fast these last 3 and a half months have passed by, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. As I sit here writing this and pondering on the last 3 months, I have roommates packing their clothes and stuff, roommates finishing homework and preparing for their finals, all while another roommate is silently packing up the Christmas tree that has adorned our living room since Nov. 1st.

One thing that I can really appreciate about all of this though is that there are people that understand how I feel. There are those that dread endings just as much as I do. And there is a real purpose and spiritual reasoning behind all of it that I never really understood or realized until at the very end of my mission I was reminded by my ward mission leader. My dear friend, Pres. Uchtdorf said it best, "In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny." 

So in light of what he said, I must say that I am grateful, in a way, that my soul doesn't look forward to and actually dreads endings, because in this way I recognize that I am eternal being; that I always have been and I always will be. I wasn't made for endings and I feel it deeply every time I do experience one. 

I just have to say though, what a semester to remember! I was a little nervous/scared before coming back about what to expect. I was nervous to have random roommates and I was nervous that I wouldn't have money and that I would have to  I expected to be a better student and to study harder and longer because of my mission. I also expected to make tons of new friends, to relax a little, and to attend the temple every week. I can't say that I accomplished all of those necessarily, but I can say that although there have been a few ups and downs, and although this has been way busier than I would have ever expected, it's been amazing. I couldn't have asked for better semester being back from my mission. I have learned so much and grown so much more than I could have hoped. So this is my way of saying THANK YOU to anyone and everyone that came into my life this semester, whether for a brief moment or for the entirity of it. I thank those that may not even think that they need thanks because even if things may not have ended how I would have hoped, I still learned a lot from the experiences that I had. So once again, thank you.

And with that, here's to hoping for a relaxing break, a wonderful Christmas, and an amazing NEW YEAR.